[stands up, wiping a tear from her eye] My name is LuckyGirl, and I am a penis watcher."
All, in unison: "We love you, LuckyGirl."
Hell yes, I watch the penis. Well, that is, I watch when the whole package interests me. The idiot corporate doofus... I don't even want to know that God gave him a penis.
And, yes. Please wash it. Stale is so gross. Grooming and shaving should be up to your woman. I don't care about that and prefer my man to be "au naturel," as if he isn't worrying about it too much.
And, yes. We don't mind when you're not hard. To hide it is a little disturbing... Like, what's the problem down there? Just stand tall and walk proud.
One more important point. Can you guys please stop farting all the time? Seriously. If you don't do it all day at work and spare the a$$holes who abuse you THERE, why do we have to hear it and smell it at home? It's not cute. It's not sexy. We hate it. Make it quiet and do it in the bathroom or something. Once in a while, no big deal. But, really. Every damn night??? [Disclaimer: Maybe if I was being sexed up just right I wouldn't get so annoyed at this. I have started looking away, closing my eyes, and just enduring until the noise is over. And, if it smells, I see red.]
Bagheera: You are AMAZING. Really. You should run workshops or something.
