So not a very good day at all... but I guess I went looking for it and I got what I deserve. So, I've been thinking about going ahead with processing the divorce papers. Of course, I'm not sure because D is such a big decision and the decision to give up is so difficult. Anyway, the other day I called and told H that I want him to know that I will not tolerate this nonesense for much longer and I will process the D papers eventually and if he doesn't do anything about it then I will know that he is in agreement with going ahead with the D. Anyway, today I was not in such great spirit and I was really thinking that I need to go ahead and file. What am I waiting for really? So again I called H. I know this is all soooo against DB but I get tired of holding my feelings in and sometimes it gets to be too much all inside. Anyway, I called and told H that I'm going to file and he said "OK, bye" and I said that's it. And then he said that I should go ahead and do it. Motherf-ker!!! Anyway, I said no, I think after 15 years I deserve more than that. And he said look I'll talk to you later. And of course I got pissed off. And then he hanged up the phone on me. I called back to tell him off and he told me off... saying look I'm tired of going through this with you. Do what you wanna do. And then hanged up on me again. I was saying I just called to tell you one thing and there went the phone. And yes as the dumb mull, I called again and said more like yelled that he is not a nice person and I hope he gets what he deserves one day and called him an a-hole.
So of course I went into my crying freenzy. Called my mom and she said that I should not have even called him, I should just file my D papers and be done with that. And what was I looking for him to say, and I said no, I deserve more than Ok after 15 years. And I mean that, I'm not saying that H should say lets work things out but at least something else... sorry things didn't work out, something. That is all I deserve after all these years.
Anyway, then H called back like nothing is wrong to tell me call someone about our business who need info. Another DB no no, I was on the phone with my mom so he could tell that I was crying. He said that I told you I would call you back and I said don't bother. And its very likely that he won't.
Anyway, I guess I got the response I was looking for. Now time to look for a D lawyer. This has been going on long enough anyway so it is about time to be done with it. So goa ahead and 2x4 me but at this point I really just need some love and support.
