Some of his oscillation can be explained as withdrawl.
Affairs are very similar to addictions. The affair supplied endorphins to the brain that create a "high" for him.
When he came home his "affair high" was not being met and because of his guilt ( I read his posts also) in what he was / is doing to his family, he was not getting the high when he returned home. A large part of his desire is the high. It will subside, it has before, it will again.
Your challenge is to maintain yourself as the better choice. Taking the high road, so to speak. Those key character traits Integrity, Honesty and Character are huge advantages. Think about the friends you have. I will bet, those who display and portray, good character are the good ones. Same applies here. Simply remain one of the good ones! Sound so easy, doesn't it.
It is also perfectly natural to feel the way you are. It should hurt. If it didn't, the relationship would carry no meaning. It is part of what makes us human.
You're doing well, let those emotions out and we'll help any way we can.
