Just finished reading through your sitch, and just wanted to write and tell you that you are not alone. Our sitches / history, etc seem really similar. I got most of the same lines that you did, and have many of the same feelings.
In my case, there definitely was an EA, which was revealed / discovered in stages. I think it is now over, but my W is definitely not over it. From what you are writing here, I would seriously not discount it in your sitch either.
I am also still living with my W and trying to detach and give her as much space as possible while still living together. I am also struggling with the feeling that the more I detach, the more she pulls back and the more separated we get.
I told my C this week that if I were a fly on the wall watching our M, It would seem like things were getting worse - 2 months ago we hugged, snuggled, kissed goodnight and goodbye before we left each other for the day, etc. I realized that that was really all being initiated by me and stopped to give her space - since then it has all disappeared. Just like you I feel like I am watching our connection dwindle away to nothing.
At the same time, I have been focusing on myself, and am much happier with myself and in general than I was 2 months ago. I agree with you that it is hard - everyone else here will as well - but I will reiterate what they say....
Take your focus off of your W and put it on yourself.
Make yourself happy
Do it for yourself
Just do it.
keep in touch. We're all there together.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
