Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I was talking to my W's cousin last night and he pointed out that in alot of ways, my W has become an exact duplicate of her dad.
Saying she is never completely satisfied. The grass is greener on the other side and she can be forgiven of anything she chooses. He said she is always looking for what she thinks will make her happy. Her dad has always done that.
He has never been completely satified with what he has. Hence, her dad cheated on and physically and verbally abused my W's mom and then divorced her. Then he had other women coming around as my W was growing up. Then he finally picked a woman who had a young daughter. He slept with the young daughter when she was an underaged teen. Then he married the mom after. He actually got away with it because the daughter ran away from home and so the police didn't have her there to testify. So her dad has always gotten away with everything and found some way to justify everything he has ever done and always accused others of being judgemental if they were not in agreement with him.
In alot of ways she has followed in his footsteps as far as thinking goes. Makes me wonder if she will ever come back even if I am able to make this complete 180. Both her dad and mom are remarried. Her sister left her husband for someone else and has not ever gone back. Her best friend left her H and married someone else. They all told her eventually that she needs to be apart from me.
It does seem rather bleak. I think I have let these things get to me and they have created fear that she might not ever come back no matter how well I change or do.
I guess I just worry about this stuff and I let if affect me.
Kevin
I don't know. Food for thought.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
What's the "Food for thought"? If you need to make the changes so you are the best man you can be, make them. That part of the equation is simple. It's not all about her. Remember?
It's about you, and working on YOU...cuz you are the only one in this sitch that you have any control over. Yes her history is weird; which you knew when you married her. Soooo....stay focussed....and back to YOU...
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I was thinking about sending this email. Thoughts?
W,
I have accepted that we will be legally divorced. At this point I just have to think about me and the kids.
Was I weak during this process. Yes, I was. But what did you expect or think the appropriate response should have been from someone so hurt by all of this? Someone who knows this is wrong. Someone who made alot of mistakes that he terribly regrets. Someone that just prays to be forgiven and given a chance to do a 180 so that his family can remain intact. And I'm not getting that. And I am just hoping I do at some point in the future.
Positives. I don't drink anymore. I am trying to learn to manage on my own. I have truly learned what is most important in this life. God and my family and forgiveness and never giving up.
I'm not sure what the definition of strength and growth being used is here.
Staying power takes strength and growth. Working on things takes strength and growth. I know its going to take time for me to prove the rest of the changes I am trying to accomplish. I will stay faithful and be the best dad I can be to my kids and be the best person I can be in general. You will always be able to count on me. I'm going to work my hardest to never let you down again.
I just hope at some point you really seriously consider us again and monitor how I am doing as far as someone you would want to reunite with in time after seeing honest hard true changes.
I still love you and I always will no matter what.
None of us are perfect. But I am striving to be better.
Please try and forgive me and start trying to find ways to see if we can rebuild trust and a relationship again with some time.
I married you for life and I am going to honor that in whatever roll I have to accept that I am put in or allowed to be in.
If this time apart is what needs to happen, then so be it. I just don't want it to last forever.
I do believe the girls would be best served by having both of us in the home and I do believe our marriage really can be wonderful given some changes on both of our ends. I'm working on those.
I always believed you when you said forever and worst case scenerio was separation to work on things. I'm working on those things.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Kev, where do you have the time to write a letter like that much less posting here as often as you do?
Aren't you there to study? Then concentrate on that. If your mind goes back to the R, then get out of the house and go walking around the block. Do something to get your mind off the sitch.
Even your group the other night, the only reason why you went was because it related to your M. Stop thinking about it. It's definitely hard, but you've got to start somewhere. It's almost like your physical separation has made things worse.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
