I have read your advice a couple of times to try and take it in. In regards to co-operation at what point does it look like I am validating but also pandering to all her wishes as she knows how I feel about her, against not allowing her to walk all over me and try to regain some respect which is a strong feature women like as mentioned by Puppy in an earlier mail?
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I have read your advice a couple of times to try and take it in. In regards to co-operation at what point does it look like I am validating but also pandering to all her wishes as she knows how I feel about her, against not allowing her to walk all over me and try to regain some respect which is a strong feature women like as mentioned by Puppy in an earlier mail?
Short term - 1. Reducing negative feelings
She will be angry, try to control you, blame you, stamp her foot and try and get things to go her way. The most powerful thing you can do is step back from the power struggle between you. Be seen as co-operative and most of all be calm, it will also help the children stay calmer too.
Also, How do I step back from the power struggle?
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
If you go and see a L you can find out EXACTLY what leaving the marital home may do. I believe it may harm your sitch but I am not SURE. I don't think you can rely on your arrangement that you will leave and then later move back......judging on your W's behaviour she may change the locks as soon as you go and claim abandonment or something. Get anything you are proposing doing checked out and notarised officially and signed by both parties. DO NOT TRUST HER.
Also a L will be able to tell you how to get into mediation. That's not to reconcile but to work out the finances etc. I think that will come as quite a shock to your W. Above all protect yourself and your children. As for the mobile phone.....her reasons stink....if she picks up the phone and sees it is you that is calling all she has to do is hand the phone over to your D to answer if she doesn't want to speak to you. How will you calling her phone be keeping an eye on her? Have you got it on some sort of tracker? My guess is she doesn't want someone she is with knowing you are calling her. Maybe someone she sees doesn't know she is still M'd?
Protect yourself.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Thanks for your responses. You all have the same answer about the solicitor, and in hindsight I should not have signed them.
So what are you going to DO about this? Are you going to follow the advice, and see if you can get your signature rescinded due to emotional duress?
To me, EVERYTHING ELSE takes a back seat to the legal issue right now. You were a fool to sign those ("they 'just' pertain to the kids"???? What is "just" about her and your children??), and you need to have a solicitor take a look at what you just signed, and advise you.
Mark, you say you're HEARING the advice you're getting, but I don't see you APPLYING any of it. You've got some great and wise counsel on your thread since yesterday, but I don't see you really listening.
feeling a bit down after last night. I have spoken to my lawyer earlier, and she said the document I signed has no legal standing in court and is a document that confirms the childrens residence and who is the main 'keeper' of the children. The 'reasons' stated on the petition have no bearing on things either as unless it is physical abuse, or mental abuse witnessed, these cannot be proved in a court of law. As you have all said, the lawyer said under no circumstances sign anything else without professional review first.
Puppy,
Up to last night I have been desperate to try and keep my wife on my side of the fence so that we can try to work together and also a recocilliation further down the line. I think I now have to put her out of the equation and concertrate on the children and me. As has been said on previous threads I cannot keep trying to appease her because she knows which of my strings to pull.
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
That is a good point about the phone. You could be right, as who would want to be involved with a woman that is married with two children, particularly if its a younger man without ties. He would probably run a mile if he knew...assuming this is the case, though it does seem very strange. Should I challenge her on this, or let it go?
Bomb dropped: 19/12/08 Me:48 WAW:41 D:10 S:6 Married: 15 years
I have been a bit stupid about the mobile phone thing....I think she doesn't want your D using her phone in case something comes in on it when she is talking to you, or maybe even just playing on it, that may give her away.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I'm glad you got legal advice, and VERY glad that what you signed won't hurt you.
As for your wife, it's not that you're putting her "out of the picture," but rather you're putting HOW SHE FEELS ABOUT THINGS, AND HOW SHE WILL REACT out of your decision-making process. She can still be very much on your heart, and WILL be, but you simply must remove the "will this make her angry?" from your strategy right now.
Replace it with "What is the RIGHT THING TO DO here? What is best for my children? For me? What would GOD HIMSELF have me do in this situation, if He were standing right in front of me?"
Sorry for the 2x4, but I was very worried about you legally.
