I do not think there is anything wrong with being friendly and open. I personally don't think there is anything wrong with answering texts (doesn't have to be timely) or questions posed to you. You don't want to come on too strong, but you also don't want to be just a monosyllabic ogre either. Give her glimpses of what she might be missing out on. You could say, "it was great! We had a good time." You are worried too much about what impact every little thing you say or do has on your wife. How about trying to be yourself a bit more (minus the ILY and pursuing). If she eventually wants the person you are, she'll let you know, but I don't think you'd want her coming back for the person you are not.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
