Mark -- I'm going to agree with @can it work here.
I "break" a lot of the DB "rules," but it seems to me that there isn't a one-size-fits-all approach here. I live in this house, with our children; I care for them; I handle their kidly affairs. W lives in the house, for the time being, and generally pays most of the bills. I'm being positive; I'm GALing; but when W is sitting across the kitchen table from me, with our kids happily munching away on a pizza or some snacks, I can't ignore her.
SO I make myself as emotionally distant as possible, with this caveat: it was emotional distance that GOT ME HERE in the first place, so more of the same is NOT a 180. Instead I listen, I validate, I do the "Madagascar" penguins thing -- smile and wave, boys; smile and wave.
I don't get emotional (angry or sad). I don't contradict. If I don't agree, I simply say, "I understand that's your POV, I happen not to agree w/ it." I do emotional jiu-jitsu. I make it about her: "I hear you, I understand that's your POV."
But I think @JCJ and @can it work are correct that you need to stop getting angry.
Peaks and valleys, dude; peaks and valleys. Who knows whether THIS PLACE is the highest point of the valley or the lowest part of the peak? Only you. And the way to know that is to COOL OUT.
The self-help guru Anthony Robbins used to talk about "disrupting patterns." Our lives are like records, he would say (vinyl). We live them in the grooves. Want to change your life? Scratch the record -- it will never play the same way again.
So scratch your record, dude; if X makes you angry, next time X happens laugh hysterically. Or make monkey sounds. Or blow your nose. Or smile and wave, boy; smile and wave.
