Take a deep breath, it is a horrible shock you have had but at the moment everything is too raw. Reconciliation will take a long time, this is not going to be resolved quickly - you need to accept that. You also need to get practical. Here are some suggestions.
Long term - Reconciliation
The DB coaches say there are 5 stages to reconciliation.
1. Reducing negative feelings and guilt 2. Friendship 3. Dating and romance 4. Reconciliation
Argh, I can't remember the other one!!! If anyone wants to jump in here feel free... ok, I will try and look it up. Anyway, you are in the reducing negative feelings and guilt stage.
Short term - 1. Reducing negative feelings
She will be angry, try to control you, blame you, stamp her foot and try and get things to go her way. The most powerful thing you can do is step back from the power struggle between you. Be seen as co-operative and most of all be calm, it will also help the children stay calmer too.
An example (just my opinion, others may have a different way) So when she demanded that you sign the papers now, you could say 'thank you for getting these prepared. I will look over them and get back to you' *She reacts angrily* you - 'I understand that you want this to be done quickly but I am not going to sign these until I have had a chance to read them' *She reacts again* you - 'wife, I will not be signing these papers tonight. I am going to go into the other room/ leave the house and I will talk more about this tomorrow.' Do you see? You are calm and remove yourself from the situation to give you both breathing space. She is taking advantage of your shock. So you have to pull yourself up by the bootstraps now. You need to be strong and you have already proved you can be.
The more you fight against her the more adamant she will be. Reconciliation may come later when the emotion is taken out of the situation.
Short term - 2. You
You also need to focus on you and your children and start getting practical.
So what are you going to do? What are your plans? Here are some things to think about. You can share here if you want but you need to start getting some things in place, she has had longer to work out her game plan than you.
* Practically speaking - in terms of getting legal advice, the house, finances. Find out what you are legally entitled to pay and what she is responsible for. Most important get those papers looked over - you can book an appointment to do that today.
* Emotionally - How are you going to deal with her outbursts from now on, how are you going to protect the children, what steps can you take to play your part in protecting them and stepping back. You do not need to worry about going dark/ long term - what are you going to do over the next week?
Some things to think about. Now is the time to get practical and not to get bogged down in detail. If you want any help, post away. I'm happy to help get things in perspective.
