We weren't married, but were probably headed down that road one day. I had bought an engagement ring and was planning on asking the big question this month (March 09). I realize a lot of the stories here are all about couples who have been together for years and years, and some with children involved (so please forgive me if this seems out of place). In my case, we were only together for one year (since October '07). We both have had a lifetime of failed relationships with all the wrong people. In our case, we were absolutely "spot on". Our relationship was absolutely wonderful, extremely loving and we were completely in sync in everyway. We had the perfect relationship, the best in either of our lifetimes. It was truly fantastic. Almost from the moment I meet her, I had this overwhelming feeling of such love and respect. I felt as if she was the one person I've waited a lifetime to meet... which I still believe to this day.
I never had any form of financial difficulty in my life. I've always worked very hard and made a good living for myself. Unfortunately, my own company hit a huge financial snag and I found it very hard to communicate this with her. Like millions of small firms, my company was a victim of the global recession. For a couple of months, she had to actually cover all the bills including rent (as the company gobbled up my life savings in a very short period of time). It was only a temporary snag, but during that time I did become a little closed to visiting & talking to friends, spending money, or even going anywhere. I became a bit of a shut in (which I hated). I wasn't doing anything mentally or physically to better myself during this time. I know this situation made her feel like her financial security was threatened, but this was only a temporary situation. Once my clients started paying my bills, I ensured that she was reimbursed 100% for the bills she had to cover.
In mid- November, after a small argument, things really hit the fan. Her personality changed from a fun loving person to a totally angry hate fuelled woman (where it stayed to this day). She speaks in absolute negatives constantly, and often repeating herself over and over again. I have been accused of some pretty ridicules things, which he repeats endlessly as well. Example: I apparently treat her like a child, when the only example she can give is when I tried to warn her of an on-coming car in a car park. I've been labelled a "sponger" for allowing her to pay all the bills when my company was going under and I really needed her help (which she has since been reimbursed as I am financially solid again). Some conversations, in the early stages were simply relentless verbal abuse. She completely exaggerates even the smallest of points (putting a negative spin on each). Shortly before Christmas, she moved out and in with a girlfriend. For the period this was happening, my head was all over the place and simply couldn't think straight. Yep, "Elvis left the building" and I checked out mentally as this rocked me right down to my core. The woman I knew is gone (emotionally) it seems, and it truly has broken my heart and really rattled me. Right now, this has filled me with an overwhelming feeling of loss and dread (like someone I loved and adored has died tragically) and I do feel set upon (as if the situation has been pre-judged in my absence on some pretty shaky evidence and concluded without any input what so ever). Attempts at any civil conversations now are just addressed with complete anger & resentment I have never known or seen before from anyone, ever. Its heartbreaking and very very hurtful (where anything I say or do just seems to be constantly thrown in my face like evidence in some bizarre court case from hell). The conversations now (March 09), that are not hate fuelled, are all about her, her dreams, her aspirations, her goals ... and she'll speak about nothing else nor will she ask how I'm doing or doesn't even seem to care. I just don't get it. Why the hell is she still so angry & irrational?
A friend of hers left the details of DB in a Christmas card for my attention in my house while I was away (as it helped her marriage). At first, I was livid of the interference ... but after some cool reflection, I've now read through the site, and the book and found it all very helpful ... and I have thanked the friend for trying to help somehow. Since that time in December, I have put forth some huge changes. I have a new job, social life again and life is pretty grand. I am back to the fun loving guy I once was.... Only she is still bitterly angry, and has no problem sending me venomous emails. I just don't get it.
On that note I throw it out there for anyone who would like to make a comment or give sound advise. I would love to have "wonderful fun loving woman" back in my life (as she was all I have ever dreamed off), the woman I so wanted a future with .... but for "abusive angry woman", no way... and I won't pay for an exorcist either.
Please help!
Best, Harpoon Dave
ME: 43 Her: 39 (about to turn 40 and possible MLC)
