This evening yesterday, we were scheduled to watch AI and she suddenly appeared with very upset /angry face and plopped down on the couch to watch.
me: "I can see that you are very upset, are you OK?" her: - no reply -- looking straight ahead me: "OK, I'm here if you want to talk"
She watched the show in silence, then stayed, slouched angrily on the couch when I got up after the show ended.
Me: (holding out hand) "Can I help you up?" Her: (unmoving) No
I went upstairs, got a book I have been meaning to read (the 4 agreements) from the bookshelf next to her bed and got in bed to read it.
She came up and said angrily "I see you stole my book" me: I am sorry, I didn't know it would bother you her: I don't like that you just took it me: (calmly) OK. Are you reading it? Would you like me to stop? Should I put it back? her: no (leaves room)
a few minutes later
me: I can see that you are upset, and it is not about the book - that would never have bothered you before. What's Up? her: you're right, it's not the book. (long pause) me: OK, can you tell me what it is? her: no! me: (still calm) I can't read your mind her: (upset) and that's a good thing too!! me: (laughing) what's that all about?
no reply
she climbed into bed without looking at me (I was still reading the book) did not say a word and turned out her light. I said "good night" and she mumbled "good night" in reply and nothing more
It is the most upset I have seen her in a long time. Her whole demeanor radiated anger - projected at me, although I suspect it has more to do with her mom's health. I managed to stay calm and relatively detached through the whole thing -- in fact just kept reading the book the whole time -- but can't help but wonder:
-- What is it that suddenly is bothering her to this extent? It really seemed to come on suddenly
-- Why is it that the can't bring herself to even tell me what is wrong?
I am happy that I felt detached enough not to get upset. A couple of months ago I would also have felt that this must all be due to me and been miserable that I couldn't do anything to fix the situation. I probably would have started a fight just trying to get her to talk to me about what was wrong. Now, her emotions still affect me, but I don't feel responsible for them any more. I know they are not due to me or anything I have done, and I know I can't fix them.
That leaves me feeling only a bit concerned (about her) and confused as to what is going on. This is the first time in a very long time that she has been this openly upset around me.
Me 42, W 39, S8, S6, S2 M 11y, A & ILYBNILWY 11/08 Walking away from a bad situation.
