WAW

[saffie]

Mark,

(((((HUGS))))))

I am sorry you signed those papers. You really shouldn't sign ANYTHING without reading it properly. There was duress involved there.

I went down the garden to console my daughter who was sitting quietly on the bench. she wanted to know why we always argued (she knows we are divorcing), and said if I went away for awhile I could come back and everything would be ok

Wow, that above comment smacks of your W getting to your D and trying to influence her.

I think it strange that your W suddenly wants to give a 10yr old a mobile phone ......and for this reason? Does she not want people to see your calls coming up on her phone? Who would she not want to see that? Because presumably if you need to phone your children they are with her....they are not young enough to be left alone. Or is she planning on leaving them places?

It does begin to sound more and more like there maybe an OP involved. She sounds a bit like someone is pulling her strings.

Look, if you don't want to get D'd then you don't have to help speed up the process. I imagine when you said you were looking forward to the papers arriving you were feeling stressed at the time. You have got to learn not to let her anger and agitation affect you this way. She has learnt how to manipulate you. YOU WERE QUITE WITHIN YOUR RIGHTS TO ASK FOR TIME TO READ AND DIGEST THOSE PAPERS BEFORE SIGNING THEM. In fact, I would have shown them to a L before signing.

It also seems that she is using the children's distress to get you to do what she wants. She can see that it upsets you. Please journal all this stuff so that if needs be you can bring it up.

Read those papers and if you wish you hadn't signed them then take action and explain to whoever you need to, your L, whoever, that it was done under duress.

I am going to ask a personal question now which you don't have to answer if you don't want to. You say that in the past the financial side has been a problem. You also mention about this house you are doing up having really drained your back up 'savings'. Is there a real likely hood that you may financially go belly up when you finish working if you can't find another contract quickly? Is there a chance that your W is trying to remove herself from the situation before this happens? Does she realise that pushing through a D fast doesn't actually 'sort' the finances out....that all still needs doing?

There is certainly something that doesn't sit right here.

Your W is acting out because you are not doing what she wants about the marital bed. Stick to your guns....that is HER problem. Somehow though she needs to be stopped from using the children as a weapon in all this. She seems to have no scruples about upsetting them and that is just plain awful. However bad she perceives the M to have been, as a good mother she should keep all that 'crap' away from the kids. I wouldn't move out personally. I wouldn't trust her not to poison the kids; children should never be used as a weapon. I really would talk to a L about this behaviour - it's got to be stopped. She can say whatever she needs to about this stuff to you when the kids are in bed or not around.

Would she go into some sort of C or mediation with you to try and sort this out without the kids getting hurt?

I truly am shocked by your W's attitude. Don't trust anything she does; it sounds like she has no scruples for some reason. Goodness knows what is going on that makes her feel justified to act out like this in front of such young children.

BTW - does your son not need his own space too and his own bed? I would be tempted to go even further about the bed thing and tell her that your son should have his room back and that if she needs somewhere to sleep the sofa is available.