There are no easy clear cut answers or you'd know them or we'd all agree and that would be that. But you broke things down well there. You had not really done this before with the moving, and if you make your NEW choices with clarity of intent, meaning that you are honest about why you are making a given choice and it's a good reason, it's hard to see you going too far off.
In reality, You did not go to Florida to get training for a better job; you ran away b/c it hurt too much to be around her. I understand the need to get away. But calling it something else is what confuses you b/c you came to believe it, and we all thought there was a training class, or at least I did. When I realized it was online or something you could do anywhere, I was shocked.
So you have to know yourself well enough and be brave enough to know WHY you are making whatever choices you are making. For instance, Being a good dad is different than wanting to punish your wife or "teach her a lesson" etc, so you have to keep checking yourself. If you truly know why you are doing what you are doing and it's in your break down list of justified reasons, then go for it. In other words,
The kids need me. I need to step up and be there for them regardless of income as JD said. I miss the kids. I need to be an example to them. I need to show W I can be different. I need to not open my mouth when she says anything. I just need to be friendly and concerned about my kids.
Those are now your basics...the underlying reasons for doing what you do. Figure out a few behaviorial specifics that will reflect how you are different, such as not losing your temper or blurting out, and making sure you don't seem reactive..but have a picture in your mind of what it looks like when Kev has it all going on ...
I don't know your job options but that's your area of expertise. Don't know why you think the only good well paying job in the world has been dumped on your wife's shoulders--are there NO more left anywhere? Why don't you try to get one of those? Or just get something in that area (which isn't hurting your career) to be near the kids? Do you really have a place to live, or are you going to be homeless? It matters. Remember...have a PLAN....
The guys saying "get back to your kids" are right. But have a PLAN...please, do that first. Get a plan. Then act on it. As long as your plan is in alignment with your listed goals, you'll be as right as any of us can be. You know, we ALL have made mistakes in this process. Don't forget that.
I'm in piecing and close to saying "busted" (I will not rush into saying that until something like a year has passed without doubts or backslides) b/c I did do some things differently. But yeah, I made mistakes. Many. So eventually it just got to be whether something felt morally "Right" with God and simple, I just kept checking myself about why I wanted to do or say something. And was it going to get me closer to my goal--ALWAYS asking whether the likely result of my comment/action was really what I wanted.... whether it was coming from a place of love or something else... Like "am I caving in out of fear, letting a boundary get crossed, or am I changing my mind based on new info?" "Am I trying to teach him a lesson and let him "learn" to act the way I want, or am I simply detaching?"
No one wants to be a doormat. You shouldn't be. I think a DB counselor would be a great idea for you. A really great one.And though money is an issue, if you consider what has likely been wasted over the years and what is now at stake, then you can see why I stress it. But in the meantime, maybe act as if you are sad but resigned to what your w wants for the m, ie to end, but that your focus is on being the best man you can be for yourself and your children and that does include some career considerations. Just adult stuff. No R talk. No M talk. Just working, your new life (the GAL you'll be doing) and the kids.
My suggestion as to what your attitude requires... Accept with a gracious regret, that she has chosen to end the M and the reason you regret it, is b/c you believe children would be best served by having both parents in the home, AND more important perhaps is b/c the M could be wonderful, given all your insights and new behaviors...which she'll have to see OVER TIME to believe...SOOOOOO No more begging her or checking her feelings. I am SURE she'll let you know if her feelings change. You'll sense something in her actions BUT BUT BUT please do NOT hang onto any half decent gesture of courtesy and assume something or read into it, or wonder what merely polite behavior means, or she'll shy away from showing any kindnesses. Just be the best man you can be for the kids and yourself and leave the results to God. Kev, please re-read the past paragraph about not reading into things. She'll tell you.
Until if and when that happens, assume you are to be a great, active and happy single dad. You don't have to give up hope but you do have to move on. Why? B/C nothing else has worked and you have not gone dark--you have not--and your wife has indicated that the pursuing behavior is a turn off for her, so...think it out. But that's how I see it. And unlike some situations, your is clearer to me than most. At least this stage of it is. You have to man up and be strong, upbeat, optimistic about YOUR future, your kids, and oh by the way she'll be somewhere else--too bad, so sad--her loss as time will reveal...and then LIVE THAT WAY...
180's + time = change she can believe in. (And besides, aren't these 180's and changes you want to make for you anyhow??? Then do them.)
(( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
