S&S....I have read through your painful journey through these past months. You are one strong person. Wow! I was on pins and needles for updates about the baby situation while you were posting that. So I'm just letting you know that I was reading along with your stuff. Again, wow.
I wanted to reach out to you then but could see you were on your own path, trying to be sweet and kind, and I just couldn't bare to say anything, you know? The effort behind DB'ing and the love that pours out of you LBS's is just amazing. I hate to say this because it will sound like I am casting blame on him, but I wish to hell my ex-h had DB'd me, even just a little bit. On me, a little DB'ing would have gone a long way. I seem not to be the norm in that way though. I'm just saying the immense love and compassion you showed during your H's lowest moments was inspiring.
Truthfully, I think in your case, your H's OW is actually gambling, not the OW. I don't see how you can win against that particular type of OW. He needs help. I have lost track of whether or not he is seeking it? I hope so, for his sake, as the father of your kids, and for himself, even if you two don't make it.
If you could go back and change how you handled things, I know you would have taken a stand much earlier and listened to people who said go dark...but in the end, I hope you do at least take away from this whole thing your huge capacity to LOVE through crisis. Going dark on him is probably what would have lessened your pain and anguish by not prolonging the time you were in limbo with him...but no love is ever wasted. Whatever love you gave him wasn't in vain, because it helped YOU. It also helped your children.
You will laugh about this, but one of your posts referred to him as "Captain F*cktard, leading of the one man dumbass parade" and I laughed so f-ing hard when I read that, that I copied it to an email to a friend who had a cheating spouse in the past (ie: she understood the meaning very well!) And we both just laughed and laughed, and now I throw it out there now and then still, just to make her laugh. I don't know why that one made me laugh so hard, it was just the way it rolled out in your post that day. I wanted to hug you while I was cracking up over my coffee!
aretemesia - I went and posted on your thread too, sweetie.
