The Flames are Still Rising....

[Sugar and Spice]

Blindsided, you deal with this anyway that you can that works and is healthy for you and Kendall. Your H is a little boy, playing at being a man. I have read your sitch sporadically and I too know the agony of knowing that my H was at the hospital with his Troll while she gave birth to their daughter. It is gut-wrenching and you just have to go through it. I promise you, it does get better.

Please heed the advice of the posters above and let go for yourself and your wonderful babygirl. For right now, just focus on yourself and Kendall and how you are the best Mom you can be to her. Let yourself heal a little first before you start worrying about how you will feel about this baby...you are wonderful and kind hearted person who knows that its not this babys fault, anymore than the situation your in is your fault. You deal with it the best way you can. I realize that the only innocents in my sitch are the kids and to some extent me (I didn't know until it was too late.) I don't blame this poor child, I feel sorry for her...both of her parents are f*cktards. I have told my kids over and over that as easy as it would be to hate her, they can't because she is just the result of their bad choices, she didn't ask for this anymore than they did. My kids have also still not met her and only will when they are ready to. My H is at least on the same page with me about those types of issues.
Just be gentle with yourself, this is such a hard time and you have been through a lot. You are a strong woman and should be proud of yourself for the dignity and grace that you have conducted yourself with throughout.
I'm no lawyer, but I see that your D is almost final and so there has to be some sort of support order in place (right?) this is good because it will establish Kendall in the order of things. If he and OW were to make it legal, then her income would be used to pay your CS.
I wish I had something more profound to say, but just know you will get through this and the pain will lessen (not go away) it just takes time.
I'm sorry for your pain, I do understand and feel for you. I'll be checking on you. ((((((hugs)))))) Sorry you have to be a member of this particulare little club.