It's a rainy dreary day here in the Pacific Northwest.
Just dropping by to give a little update and see how others are doing.
I'm officially a college student now, wow! I start classes in April. Talk about a big GAL, but it's good.
When I see him, I am pleasant, funny, and vibrant.
He seems to linger in conversations a bit longer, in person and on the phone. Talks are only about kids and schedules. I often wonder when he asks how I'm doing or how things are going, if he really cares or is just being nice.
Surprisingly he hasn't mentioned the D in over a week. I'm sure it's just a matter of time though. He'll want to have all the paper work settled up before the scheduled court date.
His week with the kids is just about over, he is very quick to tell me how great things are going and how they have a good schedule going. He also called to tell me he didn't think 2 weeks at a time wouldn't work. Says it's because he would miss them too much if he had to wait 2 weeks. That's funny, didn't seem to bother him to just see them every 2 weeks for 2 days at a time for 3 months??? Whatever.
He'll be bringing the kids over tomorrow, so he can see how I'm moving forward. Not sure if he even cares, which is fine.
Time flies when your having fun, it's been almost 4 months since we split up. Still miss him, but I'm making the best of my new life and doing just fine without him.
Me36 H35 T18/M12 S10/D8 Speech 11/08 Sep:11/08 Poss EA 6/08 H filed D Papers 2/13/09 My Story
So my week without the kids went ok. It was pretty tough being without them for a whole 7 days, but I did get to see them. That made it a bit easier.
He brought them home at 4:30 and also brought over some stuff I left and a book shelf. He commented "it's a nice apt" and then gave me and the kids a hug goodbye. Then he remembered that he had forgotten one of the kid's school bags and was all pissy about it.
I told him I'd come over and get it a little later. No big deal.
So all is ok. My d8 proceeds to tell me that when our neighbor was visiting, he asked H if he was going to start dating. D8 didn't listen for the answer, and I told her that she didn't have to tell me these things. Also I told her that she shouldn't have to hear these kind of things either. So I don't know if I should just let it be or talk to H about watching what is talked about while the kids are there. It makes them very sad to hear stuff like that. Then they get worried that mom is going to start to date.
At any rate, I was upset not only by the comments, but the fact that my neighbors never made an attempt to visit with me while I was there.
Then I get to the house to pick up s10's stuff and H is all dressed up. Couldn't be any more obvious that he was going "somewhere". UUUGGGGGGGGHHHHH
Oh well, poor me. lol
Life goes on, and I am closer to being completely done with H.
Most hope is gone out the window, and I'm almost at the point where I don't want him back and wonder what was so good about him in the first place.
I start school in 3 weeks! Yeah me, go me go!
Me36 H35 T18/M12 S10/D8 Speech 11/08 Sep:11/08 Poss EA 6/08 H filed D Papers 2/13/09 My Story
Just when I think my roller coaster is starting to slow down and level off something new hits me.
I know this probably sounds stupid, but it hit me like a ton of bricks for some reason.
My H has a tattoo with my name on it. It isn't too big nor too small.
Today my d8 told me that H got a "new" tattoo. I knew the moment she told me this what he had done. He covered my name.
I asked here where the "new" tattoo was and she confirmed my suspitions. I instantly wept.
I keep wondering why? Why do things like this hurt when I should by now be expecting them. My mom says it's because I have a tender heart.
I think this is the final straw that broke the camels back. I'm officially done. Fineto, finished. I want nothing more to do with this man who obviously wants to erase every ounce of me from his life.
Unfortunately for him, he can't erase me completely because when he looks at his children he has no choice. They look just like me.
It still feels like crap. But it's getting better every day. And someday I will feel better about myself and be ready to allow myself to be loved again. To be loved the way I loved him.........unconditionally.
Me36 H35 T18/M12 S10/D8 Speech 11/08 Sep:11/08 Poss EA 6/08 H filed D Papers 2/13/09 My Story
I'm also going to say goodbye to DB for a while. I just get too darn depressed reading all of these sad stories. While it's good to know I'm not alone, it hurts to read about the same pain over and over again.
I can say that I tried to remain strong in my marriage, but I really don't think God wants me to wait around for a man who obviously doesn't have an ounce of respect for our vows.
I'm not a success story of reconciliation, but I will be a success without him.
Me36 H35 T18/M12 S10/D8 Speech 11/08 Sep:11/08 Poss EA 6/08 H filed D Papers 2/13/09 My Story
I know what you mean about feeling depressed and some days I look at these stories like that and then other days I find such inspiration. It can come from those who have not succeeded and it can come from those who are still trying.
Sometimes a break is good. Rest and be good to you and you will continue to build strength.
