Walk Away German Wife (WAGW)

[PortlandDad]

Today was a beautiful day in Portland! So why did I feel so blue? It seems when the weather is crappy, I feel better, and on gorgeous days I get depressed. Oh well, I needed a good cry today, so I had one.

My W's Visa bill came in the mail today: she still hasn't changed the address on it yet. It was $3000, and since she has 3 late payments on it, her rate is 24.99%. In addition, every charge she makes incurs a "foreign transaction fee" because they have to exchange the dollars into euros. According to statement, her effective APR is 45%. I have told her and told her to get rid of that card because it is so toxic, but she continues to use it. I sent her an e-mail and told her that her statement had come and that I would be dropping it in the mail for her.

She called me today at work and asked if I had already put the bill in the mail, and I told her that I had this morning before I got to work. She was angry. She said that what she wanted to do was to send me the money and have me pay it for her. She still has some US dollars cash that she hasn't exchanged for euros yet. I asked her how she was going to get the cash to me to pay the bill, and she wasn't sure. Then I told her that she could probably go to her bank and have them issue a money order drawn in dollars and she could send that to me and I'd pay the bill for her. She said that she would do that.

Then she asked if she had to pay for her and Omis ticket (which were on the statement). I said, yes because she had charged them. Then she blew up on me. She said that I should go ahead and send her the divorce papers because she was through and she wanted her settlement money. She asked me how much money she was going to get, and I replied, I wasn't sure that it would have to be something that our lawyers would hammer out. She sounded surprised that I would be so matter-of-fact about it and not try to appease her like I had done before.

Then she asked if we could do an uncontested divorce. I told her, no, I don't agree with a divorce, and I don't agree with what she is doing and if she wants a divorce she will have to file and go the entire distance herself.

Then she started playing her well-worn victim card: this is how I am going to treat her after 18 years of marriage and she asked me (again, a well-worn card of hers) if I thought what she was doing was easy for her. I asked her very calmly if anyone was holding a gun to her head and forcing her to stay in Germany or to stay away from the kids. So she tries to rationalize: she says that the kids made their decision to stay with me, and that they didn't want to live in Germany (duh!) I replied, that asking the kids to give up their nationality, their language, their friends, etc. to follow a selfish, irrational woman would be the graver mistake. It might have been a backslide, but there was no heat in my statement -- just matter-of-fact.

It really took the wind out of her attack. She started sniffling, and immediately was morose and sullen. I told her, I didn't want to fight, but instead I was willing to coordinate her with getting her bill paid. Then I asked her if she would help me with my homework for my german class and she immediately perked up and said sure that she thought it was great that I was taking classes. She almost said "I love you" when we hung up. She caught herself at the last moment.

I am believing more and more that she is bi-polar and her shifts in mood in just the space of a 15 minute conversation are very convincing to me. Now I just need to figure out how to get her back in the states for some help.