>>she now wants a devorce based on my decision to stay in the house.<<

That's a threat she's using to try and get you out of the house. If she wants to D you she will do it regardless of where you live so I'd ignore that one. Also, if she wants to D you she'll hang onto any excuse... like she divorced you because you wouldn't move, or she decided to file because you did move. It's just rhetoric. She'll do what she wants. Don't let her manipulate you into doing something you don't want to do.

Just put the kids first, you second and her last....

Like everyone else here I think you handled this well.
I know you want to keep your family intact. I want that too, but you need to prepare for a happy ending with or WITHOUT her.

There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.