Hey Julia, He did ask me for money. To be honest, I was shocked he even asked. That is out of character for him. Is he possibly joking?? Don't think so, money is not a joking matter for him. I didn't tell him yes or no. I asked him what he needed it for & if he wanted to talk about it this eve. Yeah, I suppose none of my business.
When we were talking last week, he said his mum was asking him to visit. He told her he didn't have any money too. It must have came up with his mum about the loan he took out & paid for her in 2005. His mum never made a payment & never mentioned the loan after. I can't believe my H actually told his mum that she never paid anything nor ever asked about it. That is out of character for him as well. If he wouldn't have taken out the loan back then, he would have been out of debt now.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
My money issue w/my H, is in no comparison with others are going through. Almost seems kinda trivial. Anyway, my H emailed me back today saying:
Sorry did not e-mail back sooner. I am just so far behind and the company can not repay my credit card for the trip yet. I know it is weird and all but can I borrow 600 for 4 weeks? With all that is going on with us I understand why you will not give the loan but I just wanted to ask. I will talk to you later.
So there you have it. What will I do - probably loan him the money. Do I raise the issue that, one reason he left was to take care of this stuff on his own?? And what will he do when he is "really" single?? Well, that's what I would want to say. On the other hand it takes a lot of guts & swallowing his pride for him to ask me for money. Is this a lose lose situation for his ego??
Thoughts anyone??
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
If you are going to lend the money then do it with no strings, dram, retributions and no guilt. DOn't go into any wheres and whys, just state your terms clearly, i.e.
'Hi H
I have been looking at my finances and I am able to lend you $600 for 4 weeks. The full amount will be due back to me on.../ this will be paid in weekly installments of...
Let me know when and where you want the money transferred.'
I wouldn't make him come over to collect it personally, that will make him feel small. Just do it in a neutral way.
Or don't lend him the money and just say you don't think it would be appropriate for you to lend him money.
That's my take on it. I know I am biased at the moment Ms M but protect yourself in this, you are the most important person.
I know it is so tempting. But you know, if you do decide to lend the money you can really make it so he doesn't lose face. Just keep it really neutral and don't make it a huge deal.
I know it is pessimistic to say but it does seem to be true, they can be nice when they want to be/ want something and when they don't they run and ignore. I've been thinking about it and our h's actions are very passive aggressive. There are some interesting articles on how to deal with that behaviour. By ignoring you it makes you stuck - they have all the power.
Sounds like the DB101 session with Jody!! Where are those notes!!! Oh wait ... too far gone ... even when I came here. Back to, hopefully wiser instincts & intuition
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
So throughout the day my H & I emailed back briefly. He asked to pick up the money after work if it was ok. Also asked if I would feed a poor soul. I said sure tonight was ok & he chose Greek food my favorite. So he came over, I made us a drink (dirty martini) & he told me about work issues & how the company is almost bankrupt. Told me or rather b**ched about his friends/coworkers/owners family. Like I said before he finally realizes how messed up his "friends" are. Mentioned about female coworker (suspected OW) & how she is a selfish, mean b**ch. Hello!!! All this I knew & told him those were my thoughts & why I kept an arms length away from all of them. But understood his sitch, his position. We played some dice (like old times). I asked him if he had his D papers done yet. Almost!!! Then I asked him if he was sure he wanted to D. He said he didn't know & that's why he wasn't done. I joke that didn't know was ok. And that I thought that is why he didn't have it done yet. He asked for a few more days to decide. I thought to myself. Aaaaahhhhh, a few more days to decide - what is that going to matter!!!! I tell ya men!!!! Ya got me - then ya didn't want me - now so close to being over- now you don't know & might want me again!! So a few more days it is. Really, I don't know what to think of all of this. Yet, I'm resolved & fine either way.
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
Hhhmmmm, So how do I feel about all of this. I guess I tend to leave out "how I feel" many times when I post. I don't have any real strong feelings one way or the other. I guess, I feel a bit happy, sad, content, strong, afraid ..... the pendilum is moving in all directions. Maybe that's called no expectations!
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
