Just missing you guys a little!

[Amy M]

(((((Tawnya)))))!!!

Hey, mC...Hugs to you too! Yes, I know that. And, I will keep it in mind as they grow. But, it's tough to balance that idea with the idea that he can't just be hitting on kids. S7 knows the difference, I think. But, I have seen him hit S3 for no reason other than S3 was irritating him by making noises or standing in front of the tv, etc. That's not self defense. I did try to explain that the punishment last night was mostly about the marks from school and that I understood that he might have been the victim of the "ref" missing the 1st swing and catching the last one. And, I told him that he needed to be very careful about stuff like that because if it continued, I'd be hard pressed to believe it wasn't his fault everytime!! Thanks for the input and hang around and keep me honest...after today it appears that this is not going to just go away!

So, I came here to vent...

I called the boys tonight after Bible study...and I should preface this by saying that something in the Bible study touched me tonight and I was feeling soft about H and about the idea that God can still save him and that maybe I need to be focusing more energy on praying for his salvation than I have been...not as it relates to the marriage mind you!

So, H answers and I ask about their day. S7 got 2 marks recorded again today. H says, "I'm thinking that he might have ADD." So, I listen to him, and then I say, "H, our school has a reputation for "over-diagnosing" ADD. In fact, I can name 4 other boys his age whose parents have been asked to have their kid tested...and that's just the one's whose parents I know well. I think that if he was at risk, the teachers would have suggested testing to us by now." Where did he get this idea??? Last year, when he lived at home, he understood that the teachers at our school are quick to ask for testing. We have several friends who were called in for specific meetings with the teachers on the topic.

So, then I say (still very calmly and in an almost friendly tone), "I think there's something else going on with him. He won't really talk to me. Did you get him to talk to you?" H gets defensive..."Oh, here we go. Let's make this about something that it's not." I ignored the tone and the comment and said, "H, I was wondering if maybe there's something going on at school. Maybe he's had a fight with one of the other kids, etc. Did he mention anything like that to you?" He calms a little and says no. So, I say, let's give it one more week. If next week starts out like this one, I'll make us an appt. for a conference with the teacher. He agrees.

So, he says, "Let me get the boys. They are watching tv." So, I talk to them, and H gets back on the phone. I say, "So, does S7 get punished for the marks he got today." H says, "Yeah. I'm gonna make him sweep at the office this weekend." I say, "But, you let him watch tv tonight after you told me last night that I needed to take that away?" Needless to say, it went downhill from there.

He goes into this long spill about if he doesn't allow him to watch tv, then S7 will just go to sleep and that wouldn't be punishment at all. So, somehow, watching tv is punishment???? I got so frustrated, and I said, "Look, H, I called you last night to discuss how to handle the marks so we can be consistent. I took your advice last night, and now, you have totally undermined me by not taking your own advice tonight. What kind of partnership is this?" He says, "I didn't undermine you." I said, "Then why do I feel like you did?" He replies...in that really sarcastic tone that he's used 99.99% of the time since he left (other than the 1 statement last night), "Because that's just how YOU ARE."

All my fault again! I want to choke him, but I'm really in no mood to drive all the way over there.

I'm being tested...God told me to soften my heart towards H even more. I'm sure it was God I heard during my Bible study tonight. Then, I have this exchange with H that makes me so angry and makes me want to harden my heart and never be soft towards him again. I won't do it...I'll pray about it...and God will win!!

But, I don't know what to do about the inconsistent parenting. I really thought he'd try harder. He did say something about not having any things for S7 to do at his house. I just said, "Well, sometimes it's hard to be a parent." Didn't he say almost those exact words to me yesterday afternoon???

I know he's feeling some guilt. I hope he keeps feeling it. And, I know that's why he was defensive and that's why he tried to fight with me. I did fairly well. I didn't scream...and I wanted to!!!

Okay. I feel better...just needed to type that out!!!

Hope you guys all have a great night! I'm glad to have you for my friends!

Much love!!
Amy