Over the Shock - Detaching and GALing

[Thinker]

Aaargghhh!

So after weeks of no fights or discussions about anything - simply wondering from my side what the silence and distance means, we finally had an argument -- but rather than fighting over anything real, it was over the *&%%$??/% toilet seat issue!!!

You know the one...is the responsibility of the man to always make sure that the toilet seat is down, or not...

Well, I spent 40 years not caring one way or the other -- in fact not even noticing in which position it was at any time. Then, a year or so ago it became a MAJOR issue in a MC session. My W had decided that if I left it up it was because I had no regard for her, and so every time I left it up she stewed over it.

After initially resisting (thinking "there is no way this is THE issue which is causing problems in our R") I realized that I was resisting due to a childish desire not to be told what to do, and decided that since she seemed to really care about the toilet seat, and since I really did not care about it, then I would put it down -- if for no other reason than I care about her.

So for the past months (really quite a while, before the bomb) I have made a MAJOR effort to change in this regard. I really have almost made it a mission. Unfortunately, I can't seem to remember. I find myself reminding myself multiple times while I am there, and then leaving - and a few minutes later I can't remember whether I remembered or not. I'll often go back and check - sometimes it is up, sometimes it is down.

I have no idea why this is so hard.

I remember trying today, and even remember going back to check once, but this evening, my W snipps "I've had to put the toilet seat down multiple times today, and now it is up again. You say you'll do it, but you don't!" My head almost exploded and I immediately got defensive. I started to fight back, but after defensive "I said I'll try" to which she replied "Don't try, just do" I left to stop the discussion.

I get SO FRUSTRATED over this. She takes it as the symbol of our whole relationship - I obviously just don't care. If I didn't try at all, I am not sure how I would feel, but since I really do try, I feel like a little kid getting lectured and it pisses me off.

I wish it were easy to remember

I wish she would not take it as such a symbol

I wish I didn't get so defensive about it

I wish we would fight over something that mattered!

I'd love to hear from the women in the forum on this...