He did tell me today..(not that I believe him.) that there has been nothing between them..no touching, kissing, intimacy..etc.
She told him she has moved on. I dont really believe that..why would she let him stay on her couch? As a friend? puleez.
They're both lying. When he does this to you, you should put your hand up in the "stop" position and say "STOP IT. We both know you're lying right now, so please just STOP IT. I can't stop you from doing what you seem hell-bent on doing, but I can certainly ask that you stop disrespecting me with all of your lies. I will no longer listen to them."
And then leave the room (or find a reason to hang up if you're on the phone) -- preferably some GAL reason.
Why is he staying with his affair partner, why not a guy friend?
A male and female "with history" are staying together and nothing is happening? Really?
If I remember your sitch you drew your H back by being indepedant, (maybe a little too much ) and when he saw you moving forward with your life he came back. I know this is the short version, but I believe it captures the essence of what worked.
I think Puppy has a good suggestion. Set boundaries. You want the truth, you want respect and you want your M to work. These are YOUR rules. I think you have noticed internally how much stronger you are this time around. You have a much shorter path to get to the point of walking away yourself. As you said, you know you can make it without him, you don't want to.
I suggest sticking with what worked. Get on with GAL, set your sites on your desire and see if he follows. One thing... try to stay away from the temptation of seeing others until you KNOW you are healed from this. Bringing someone else into the mix will really mess with your thought processes.
Well I am feeling much better today..totally accepting the fate of the marriage.
Yesterday was not so good... I had a few irish beers and texted quite a few not so nice things to her....just hoping to make her as miserable as she has me.
I know..not good..but.. sometimes when I get mad...out all the anger comes...
Ive had my say..no more needed..she is a skank.
He is staying with her hoping to have her take him back..thats why..he has "feelings for her"
I totally do not plan on any type of dating. My emotions are too raw and I would probably fall for the first person to treat me with any respect.
Goal is to do things for me and the kids. I have no intention of trying to reconsile. He doesnt want it. Period.
In my heart, I still feel he is sick and if he could have given up the affair and focused on us it would work. I love him that much.
Goal is to do things for me and the kids. I have no intention of trying to reconsile. He doesnt want it. Period.
In my heart, I still feel he is sick and if he could have given up the affair and focused on us it would work. I love him that much.
Thanks for listening, Sandy
That sounds good. I agree it is a sickness. The good thing is you don't have to decide now about the future. I do think in your case it sounds good that at some point your H will stop waiting around for the OW. It doesn't sound like a true love R or anything, not them any of them really sound like that, but yknwim.
But if you focus on your children and you, then you can always figure that stuff out later. Karen
Today is the one year anniversary of my hubby dropping the bomb and moving out! (I know my profile says 16th-type o that I dont know how to fix!)
I just thought everything would be so different.
I honestly believed him over and over as he professed his love. I dont get it...
Is he crazy? Is it lies? I just struggle to understand his back and forth.... The man begged, pleaded, sobbed on how life with her was horrible and all he thought about was me... how can he be so confused...
Some of his oscillation can be explained as withdrawl.
Affairs are very similar to addictions. The affair supplied endorphins to the brain that create a "high" for him.
When he came home his "affair high" was not being met and because of his guilt ( I read his posts also) in what he was / is doing to his family, he was not getting the high when he returned home. A large part of his desire is the high. It will subside, it has before, it will again.
Your challenge is to maintain yourself as the better choice. Taking the high road, so to speak. Those key character traits Integrity, Honesty and Character are huge advantages. Think about the friends you have. I will bet, those who display and portray, good character are the good ones. Same applies here. Simply remain one of the good ones! Sound so easy, doesn't it.
It is also perfectly natural to feel the way you are. It should hurt. If it didn't, the relationship would carry no meaning. It is part of what makes us human.
You're doing well, let those emotions out and we'll help any way we can.
I am trying... I just cant believe I am back here..again.
He truely is my best friend and soul mate... I keep telling myself that I vowed to stick by him thru thick and thin..no matter how much it hurts.
Just shows that their relationship is not true love.... she dated, moved on and didnt look back within weeks of them breaking up...how can he not see this
I know we are over...just trying to get thru again.
) and when he saw you moving forward with your life he came back. I know this is the short version, but I believe it captures the essence of what worked. 