We small talked and laughed for close to an hour - and then the R came up. He obviously has been done with our M for a long time now (few months) and seemed emotionally closed down. He dismissed his faith today and says he doesn't believe it anymore. I feel like he is so far away from his faith that he is living in complete sin & darkness. It makes me very sad.
He always asks me why I would want to continue on with him and our M - and I always say - it's simple - I love you. He doesn't get the concept of true love means being there for the other person through everything. And he doesn't want that b/c it means dealing with bad stuff sometimes. He says he feels like I am forcing my love on him and he doesn't want to receive it. I validated what he said and told him he has the choice to accept or deny it and I understand that.
H is just so funny. Part of him wants true love and a lifetime companion and part of him pushes it away and says he doesn't need anyone. It's an eternal struggle for him. It's amazing to see his defenses go up & become so distant & hardened. His defenses were up for most of our R talk and showed little emotion. Sigh........
Me:28, first M H: 33, second M Married: 08/08 Bomb: 10/08 H filed D and deployed: 12/08 Served: 04/09 I deploy: 07/09 Hearing date: 08/09
