"My hiker" wrote to me yesterday telling me about his plans and that he would call me tonight. He kept his word and called. He seems to do what he says which I like. I was with a GF at the time and told him I would call him as soon as I get home. - We might do something on the week-end but will phone beforehand.
The weather was nice again and I went for a walk. Afterwards I met a GF who I had coffee with on the water front. Later on I met another GF and we had a long chat. She told me I looked good. She thought it must be the stress release re the divorce and meeting new people.
I must say that I am not as happy as I look although I feel free. But I do miss the good old days with H and today a song made me sad again. I find it such a waste of time that we cannot be together now that we would have time to finally do a lot of things together.
I forgot to mention that I am getting a bit worried about H and his medical condition since I have not heard from him for almost one week.
True, I wouldn't worry too much about your xh. He's hiding because he knows you got the papers. He's waiting until things cool down before he contacts you, i.e., he doesn't know how you took what you got in the mail...he's afraid you'll be angry at home. "Son" doesn't want any fall out from "mom".
Go on your merry way. He will contact you again very soon. It's all just a matter of timing for him.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I don't think that XH (I am not yet used to saying X) got the D papers yet since they weren't sent to his address directly. It will probably take at least another week until he gets them.
If I understood XH properly, he had to go to hospital for his medical treatment. That's why I am worried.
Hi Vali,
Thank you for your encouraging words.
Today a GF called and invited me for afternoon tea. We had a nice walk and a good chat. She is the one who also had problems with her BF but seemed to have sorted them out.
I was not able to sleep well last night. I dreamt that burglars stole all the things in my bedroom while I was asleep. It looked all bear since they left just the furniture. So I am suddenly very tired. My rhythm has changed such a lot since XH left and I seem to stay up so late these days.
I found you!! I know how you feel about the divorce papers!! I'm so sorry that you had to go thru all of that. I actually had to go to court & go before the judge, that was one of the hardest things I've ever done. My H had filed but my lawyer said that b/c he had the affair that I was going to D him instead of him D me. I didn't like it but I didn't know what else to do.
You are doing great, getting out. I'm proud of you. I'm not to that point yet where I want to go out with men.
I am glad you found me. Thank you for your compassion. At least I didn't have to do what you had to. All I had to go to was a hearing.
I had quite a nice week-end. I went hiking with "the hiker" for over three hours. Unfortunately, he didn't want to go for dinner with me. So I spent Saturday evening at home which I didn't like at all. We talked quite a bit and I noticed that he does not have the same ideas and attitudes of life than I. I cannot see him being more than just a friend.
Today I went for lunch to my favourite restaurant and afterwards for a long walk with one of my GFs.
My XMIL called me to thank me for the "Six Stages of MLC" I sent her. I thought it would be easier for her to understand an MLC better and she said that it helped her a lot. She wishes that XH would come to his senses soon and go back to the place he belongs.
I will stay at my sisters's for a few days next week. She has to have a knee operation and should not stay on her own the first night. On Friday I would like to go to a jazz concert and might meet another guy who is also writing to me.
True, Wishing your sister good luck on her knee surgery. I hope everything turns out okay.
I'm sorry the hiker didn't turn out to have the same ideas/attitude about life, but look at it this way...you can be friends w/no strings attached.
Your attitude is absolutely beautiful. Enjoy the rest of your week.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you for your encouraging words. I am happy that I am an inspiration to some of you although I sometimes still getting depressed about how things are.
Hi Sodderly,
Thank you for your wishes and your kind words. I just got back from my sister's. I did not intend to stay so long but she had some pain and small problems after the operation and had to go back to the doctor's the next day. So I stayed until she felt better and had to have another visit to the doctor. However, I went to the ballet last night which was just beautiful. I finally saw a good classical ballet again.
I wanted to go to the jazz concert tonight but got home too late. So I will go to another concert tomorrow afternoon. My GF was also not available tonight and I will probably see her tomorrow.
At the beginning of this week I finally heard from XH. His medical problem is still not good yet. So I thanked him for letting me know and wished him "Get well soon".
Today I received an e-mail from XH saying that he will never understand me. He knows that I care about him on one hand but on the other I made him feel terrible when he was already in the worst period of his life (meaning wanting my share of the property sale after him making a loss), and that he will never forgive me for that.
He goes on saying that he is very sad about the divorce and that it wasn't what he planned when he married me. That he wanted to love me until the day he died. He still looks at the picture of me and cries since he misses that woman so much that it breaks his heart. I changed a lot (perhaps we all do) and he did not know me anymore in the end.
He goes on saying that the new me is very heartless and hard and does not care about his financial future. Nothing would make me part with a cent, or would it?.
He is very bitter about the fact that I used him for financial gain and therefore he is considering if it might be better to break off all contact now we are divorced. The woman he married would not have done such a thing.
Of course, I got very sad at his e-mail although I know he is trying to manipulate me again. I don't know what I should reply or if I should reply at all. But what gets me is that HE left me, had the affair and was divorcing me, and he is still blaming me for changing and not being the same person he married! – Will he ever change his mind about that? And will he ever get out of the tunnel???
The other day I read on TRUSTINGs thread that the WAS just does not want to acknowledge that HIS affair made things worse in the M. It is true since I recall my XH being very angry, moody and not cooperative during that period. I just did not recognize him anymore and could not figure out why he changed such a lot.
I would like to write to XH that yes, I changed and was moody and angry at him because it was HE who was so unhappy with everything and changed himself. And that it was HIM who had the affair and left. And that I also miss the person I married. I would also like to mention that when I stayed with him he did not want to cut all contact with OW and work at our M, and that I had the feeling he did not really want to reconsile.
But is there any point in doing this??? I know I should either ignore XH or just write the old "I am sorry you feel that way", but I can imagine that he must be getting tired of hearing it.
Does anybody have any advice? I know I am an old timer and should know that I cannot change him but I still get so sad about what he writes and ask myself why this happened.
