Fresh Start

[QuietTime]

I have been told that. For the most part my husband was abusive in a different way. I can say now that it was abuse although I didn't see it at the time.

Before his A my husband was not the least bit abusive. I think it all came from a loss of control. He became this way after I discovered the affair and worse and worse as he got more tangled in the lies he was telling. When I say he was abusive in a different way it is because he tried to control every single thing I did.

He is being forced to take a program for 16 weeks about abuse and he was going through the agenda with me. When he read it I really realized what had been going on.

Isolation -every friend I had or made he put down and found fault with, if I was home alone with D I rarely heard from him, if I went out he would try to ruin the evening by calling and texing and saying things like obivously our M was not important if I would not text him back right away ect. or screaming that I was cheating. He even made it so the one place I felt safe - here - I could not post because he would come on and read then rip apart what I said.

Withholding money - he took his paycheque and started a new bank account - he did not pay any of our debt, mortgage, bills after he left, he did pay child support and for his car and insurance but would withold the money if I did any GAL activities claiming that I must then not require his money if I could waste my own.

Degrading - he would constantly put down my parenting and housekeeping skills, I was falling apart and he would take every bit of imperfection and magnify it to make me feel useless. Again any GAL was met with me being selfish and not caring about my daughter.

Destruction of personal possessions - many things got broken a number of cell phones, a laptop, the central vac, cordless phone and chucks out of drywall.

But I didnt see any of that as abuse at the time - it was only those few occasions that he was actually physical. But when I think of how afraid I was to do things. When I talk to my friends I met this summer and they say how I was so fun when I first came out then I was wierd - had to run off after the game, leave in the middle of tournaments to rush home. It really effected me.