Reading your post a thought came to me. You need to do a makeover, not an extreme makeover. I think you need to change your hair, wardrope, something. And it should be noticeable. A total 180 in your physical appearance. I think sometimes we get so down on ourselves and put ourselves down that our partners start to buy into it. They hear us saying these things about ourselves and although they don't say anything, it registers in their brain. That is regarding your comment that H will trade you in... it registered in his brain. In my case, I was always referring to OW as H's family and although I didn't mean it totally, it did register for him. He told me he feels like he has a family. So I think your H needs to see a different look in you without you saying anything to him. They by-product of what you will get from this is that you will feel HOT and you can't beat that. It will so life you selfesteem. You are only 39 - that is damn young. You;re in the same age group with Jennifer Aniston, Halle Berry, and Catherine Zeta Jones. Not to compare you to them, but trust me, YOU ARE YOUNG TOO and way more mature than OW. Look good and feel good. Hope this advice helps and if you feel hesitate about making a change, just do it, act single like you're looking for a new H while still looking for your old H. Good luck.
