Originally Posted By: MomInPain
Jen,

Just a quick check-in. It's so normal to have those weepy days, isn't it? \:\) For me, it's my little reality check. Just when I think I've got this thing licked, my sadness and tears kick right in. lol

It doesn't take much, but at least we know that it is actually getting a bit easier with time, just like everyone said it would.

I love how confident you are. Can you give me some of that? It seems like I've lost all of my confidence and self esteem in all of this. Damn it!


MIP

Thank you! \:\) I appreciate your comments. I was just recently able to get my confidence and self esteem back. It is very easy to loose when you are rejected. For me, this took many sessions of seeing my life coach and just time.

As time passes, I really realize that my H has no idea what he is missing out on. He thinks that he has had it so bad with me when in reality, the 2 months we have been separated he has been his worst! Unhappy, stressed out, gaining weight, being incredibly rude/short, he just needs to be mad at himself because now he doesnt have anyone to blame. I am sure he will blame me for his unhappiness for a while, but one day he will realize that the only person responsible for that is himself

Also my faith in God. I am a person that believes everything happens for a reason. I try to not let it worry me so much, but I do have my sad days in grieving over the loss of my M. I still have hope and faith that something could change someday. But now I look at it as an opportunity for a bigger, better life. I have done everything that I could to save this M and for a very long time I blamed myself. Now that I have been apart from H, I do see my faults but that it was not all me. Its easier to blame ourselves even when we are not in the wrong.

I know there has some debate on whether or not a separation helps or makes things worse, and I cant really tell you if it changed anything for me (better or worse). By us separating, it allowed me to put my foot down and put a stop to his taking advantage of me and walking all over me. It has also allowed for me to see what being alone is going to be like and this way it wont be a shock when it really happens. Its different for everyone but this is another thing that has added to my confidence.

I just know now, that even though its hard, I know I am going to be ok