SMW - I will go and try to keep caught up on your sitch.
Puppy...I'm not sure if I should say this because I might be way off base...this might be not helpful at all so just disregard it if that is the case but...
I understand that your W needs this constant validation. I can relate to that, only I don't call it a need for validation. I need the PURSUIT of a man who is sexually hot for me. Is that the same thing? I'm not sure if its the same or not, because in my case I know I'm a MILF and don't need anyone to validate that for me (ie: I am self-assured about my looks and my body). I also know guys want to jump my bones, and that is not what I'm after either (ie: its no big deal to me that guys want to have sex with me, duh, they want to have sex with any girl). I am after TRUE and HONEST PURSUIT by a worthy partner.
Given the fact that I used to allow this pursuit to come at me from other directions during my marriage, it would seem that I am after variety, or that I'm after a quick and meaningless encounter. But I'm not, in reality. I'm after TRUE and HONEST PURSUIT by someone who can really turn me on.
My fiance is giving me all the pursuit I need, he can really turn me on, he is worthy on all levels, and so this works for us. I am turned on all the time, I am faithful, I don't even look in any other direction, and I give him all the pursuit he needs too...I make him feel respected, needed, wanted, valued, trusted, etc. Plus all the sex he could ever want, and more.
So what I am getting at here is this: If you and Mrs. Puppy are at a standoff, where you refuse to give her the validation she desires, and she refuses to give you the sex you desire....then my obvious suggestion is for you to just be the bigger person (yet again, I'm sure) and give her the validation. BUT at the same time, start asserting yourself sexually toward her.
Example: Tell her that her mouth looks fantastic today, is that a new color of lipstick? In fact, it looks so good its making you think of getting a bj. Then when she acts like you just made a horrible statement, don't back down. Just smile and say "hey I'm just sayin', your mouth looks great...I'm a man, what am I supposed to think?"
Another example: Pick her up from work unexpectedly some day when you know she is wearing a dress...and ask her to take her panties off on the way home and let you see what she's got under them. Then if she does it: just drive! Take a peek now and then at her lap...act turned on...but continue driving and watching the road!
The point is to give her the validation while at the same time you are reinforcing your sexual nature to her. It SHOULD, in theory, turn her on for you to do this, if you do it right.
But if this is just downright crazy-talk, I would understand that. I only know bits and pieces of your sitch and about Mrs. Puppy.
