WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 5

[MrBond]

I don't think she's saber rattling. You do that if you have a bluff with someone. So far your W hasn't had any bluffs for you to call. She wants out.

She's been nice to you when she wants to. I think its because she does feel bad about hurting you. But it seems to be LRT time. She's talking about a children and divorce talk? I mean, c'mon. She's leading you around and calling the shots. Remember, if what you're doing so far isn't working, then do something else.

And I do believe she has been using you as an emotional punching bag. What she's been doing during this passage of time is fortifying her resolve to D. I think it is weird that she can be cold, yet TM you something funny. Maybe don't answer at all when she does it. If she asks why you didn't answer later, just tell her you were busy. Maybe start have her really feel the loss. The reason why I recommend this is that when you didn't call to "check-in" the other day, she was really worried. You need to capitalize on that insecurity.

Not to be an @$$ about it, but I think you need to do something to shake the ground she's walking on. When I decided I wasn't going to take any emotional abuse anymore from my W, I told her I love her very much, enough to let her go. I rehashed who she was as a person and held her morals and ethics to the fire. I told her that would not compromise my ethics for her "newfound" ones and that she was free to leave. I was upfront about how she agreed we both contributed to our problems and that if she stuck it out, it would be hard but do-able. All the stuff I was journaling about her I brought out and hit her with (figuratively). I tried to do it with as much compassion for her that I could, but I just didn't want to be blamed for her unhappiness.

I was detached enough that if she stayed I'd be fine, if she left I'd be fine. It was HER journey not mine. I told her I would love to be a part of her journey and where I wanted to help her achieve her dreams and desires. But she would need to want it. Then it came down to what she wanted. I kept asking her, but she had no answer because your typical MLC person has no idea what they want.

And what did my W do? She THANKED me for talking to her. Then a couple of days later she apologized to me for acting mean about a small incident. Something she had not done in over a year. Sometimes I think the MLC person has to be reminded of who they are and what they can become. This takes the focus off the past and instead shows them potential.

Maybe you need to switch her emphasis off the M which is what she doesn't want and what is it that she DOES want. Show her that you can help her achieve what she desires in the context of the M.

She wants to date someone new? Well you are a new person. The benefit is that you are also someone she trusts.

She wants to have a bigger house? Who says she can't do that now?

It comes down to you taking a stand rather than you being hit by all her little backslides.