Puppy...The article is interesting and of course, I can see how it would work on some WAS's.
Here's the thing in my sitch and this might be hard for some to hear/read...
My ex-h didn't do it for me sexually, at all, ever, not even in the beginning. My A's did do it for me sexually.
So which one wins in this sitch? Friendship or sex? I hope you see where I am going with this...
Some men and women do not place that much value on fulfilling sex, and if that was me, I would have caved immediately to the unconditional friendship, because I highly value friendship, too. But in my case, I was chasing fulfilling sex. I tried chasing it with my ex-h for many many years, so please understand. I really tried to get him to understand my needs and tried to get him on board. But after so many unfulfilling years, I finally gave up and at that time I became vulnerable to any whif of possibly fulfilling sexual "fun" (not necessarily sex but at least some "fun).
So in my case, my ex-h being my friend would have even further turned me off, although I would have appreciated it and would have accepted his friendship.
Instead, what would have worked on me, and as far as I can tell this is against DB advice...but would have worked on me was if he would have pursued me, dated me, tried to initiate sex, flirted, treated me like a woman who he just met but who he is sexually interested in. In fact, I laid it out there for him when I left and said this is what I need you to do. And it was the same thing I had asked him to do all during our marriage. He said he would do it. But he literally never did.
So other guys swooped in and did it in his place. This is what I would hope all men and women will take in: THERE WILL ALWAYS BE SOMEONE ELSE AFTER YOUR SPOUSE...SO MAKE DANG SURE THAT YOU ARE PURSUING THEM HARDER THAN ANYONE ELSE!
I dated lots of guys during my separation, but I really longed for my ex-h to pursue me like that. I kept giving him chances and telling him I was slipping away. I didn't really have any romantic feelings for the guys I was dating, I was just chasing the possibilty of sexual fulfillment. But I really the whole time wanted it with my ex-h.
He never stepped up...but I understood that he hated me by this point, so he let me drift away. I get that. He didn't want to pursue me because he hated me.
However, he never pursued me from the beginning because he wasn't willing to take any risks in life at all (ie: Nice Guy).
Finally after being separated for 6 months, me begging him to pursue me and date me and have sex with me, I met my current guy, and my ex-h never had a chance after that. My current guy pursued me, and 5 years later now, he still pursues me every single day. He treats me as if there are vultures out there waiting to drag me off at every moment, and you know what? THEY ARE!! My man is smart. He knows what's up.
He wasn't very happy to be dating a married girl (as I was only separated when we met) but as soon as we became serious (after maybe 10 months of dating) I initiated the divorce. My ex-h didn't make another move toward me ever, in fact, he never spoke to me again.
Like I said, I get it. He hated me and he had every reason to.
But would I have moved back toward him romantically had he been my close friend? No. Would I have jumped his bones if he had taken me on a date, flirted with me all night, given me a couple of drinks and told me how lovely I looked? YOU BET. And if that had then turned into staying the night and a breakfast date/romp the next morning, I would have been all for that.
