DQ, thanks for the response. He does now see it as an EA and claims to be working on himself (IC, reading, MC with me). The real question I am trying to figure out is in regard to the boundary I set when I found out about OW2 last month, which was getting the polygraph.
Do you think its unreasonable and/or humiliating, considering my sitch, to require my WAH to have a polygraph as a requirement for moving forward in our marraige?
Originally Posted By: DanceQueen
Dug In...Here is something that it took me years to understand....people just don't realize what an EA is. Your H was probably in an EA with the gal from work he was talking to during separation, but since a lot of people just don't understand what boundaries are necessary to keep an EA from happening, they just don't understand that what they are doing is inappropriate. People with marriage issues NEED TO TALK, and they really should be talking to each other, their MC, their priest or pastor, their parents, their sibling. BUT THEY NEED TO TALK. So anytime there are marriage issues, it should be assumed that one or both partners are naturally going to seek out someone to talk to. If we end up talking to someone that is totally "safe" to the marriage, then great. But once we start talking to opposite sex friends and co-workers, we are on a slippery slope. Sadly though, as I said upfront, most people just don't realize how quickly this slope can get slippery. And so we can cut a *tiny* bit of slack for our partners when they have just been ignorant of something inappropriate.
So....for that reason....I would advise you that if everything else seems on the up and up, and there are no more weird phone calls, and he is being transparent with you otherwise, then I'd say you should try to let it go regarding the phone calls to the co-worker. BUT if he is still working with her, I would have to guess he is still talking to her.
Please anyone reading this, do take in this message: if your marriage is in trouble, your partner WILL seek out someone to talk to! So...if your marriage is in trouble, be pro-active and make sure your partner understands who it is appropriate to talk to and who it is not appropriate to talk to. So many people just think they are talking because they are hurting, and they don't realize they are opening doors between themselves and the person they are talking to!!
