I can't remember if there's an infidelity or not in your sitch, but my general advice is if there IS, then I'd do a simple Shoebox-type card with your handwritten first name in it -- nothing romantic, no nice note. Plus gifts from the kids.
If it's general waywardness (no adultery), and you were always GOOD with the cards and notes and stuff, then I'd still recommend the above.
If it's general waywardness and it would be a "180" for you (you were never good with cards and gifts in the past), then I would do a lil' sumthin'-sumthin', but nothing too needy or pursuing.
Hope that helps,
Puppy
P.S. For the outfit, I've said "Oh! That's a nice top" or whatever. Almost like I was complimenting the TOP, and not HER. But I'm pretty snarky that way, and my marriage has lots of issues with some past infidelity and overall NPD stuff, so you might not want to go by me.
