In desperate need of advice, separation looming!

[PortlandDad]

WOM: You sound very strong and confident, which is a big change from your earlier posts! You do need to be careful, though. I also came to a point in my sitch where I went through the whole "awakening" phase, and started acting very 'holier-than-thou' to my wife. I felt justified that her cheating and abandonment of our family was grounds for me to feel the way I did. Let me tell you that it was a backslide.

You need to validate your W feelings. Tell her that you understand why she would feel the way she does, or that you can see where her concerns are. Becoming defensive, or even attacking her on her feelings is not validation, and it will cause resentment.

It is great that you are coming around to the position that you can live w/o your W, you need to make sure not to rub their noses in your new convictions.

Congrats on your outlook. Tune down the hard-line talk, and tune up the compassion when she needs validation. At other times, let your actions speak for you.