Personally I wouldn't go dark on her completely. Because of what she has cited on the D petition I would keep up on your 180's but without actually pursuing your W. You can still help around the house and do all the things you said without being needy, clingy and pursuing.
I think that in the months ahead, unless you get another contract quickly, your W's ambitions of separating are going to be somewhat financially constrained anyway....from what you said earlier she doesn't seem to have a completely realistic attitude to what it will take.
As for the birthday stuff, she will know that you helped the children with the presents etc. If you did want to do something for her do something that involves thought rather than grand gestures....run her a nice bath with candles or something. If it is completely out of character for you to do this buy her a massage somewhere to help her destress. I always think NOT marking an occasion like that is just another way to earn a black mark....but one should not go overboard either.
And when it comes to compliments a quick "You look nice" couldn't hurt I wouldn't have thought. Just keep a casual tone of voice rather than a flirty one.....just like you might say to someone else's W when you meet up as a couple. completely platonic.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
