My first step out of Newcomers

[Can it work]

Hey there PM.

It put a smile on my face seeing that you'd posted on my thread. I'm glad you're seeing your sitch so much better now. I know if the world was a perfect place he'd come back and try again but it's great to hear that you'd be happy even if he doesn't. Mind you, if the world was perfect, this website probably wouldn't exist and MWD would be out of work!

I never really noticed that I hadn't been writing much about my W recently. I suppose it is because I've not had much contact but also because I have nothing new to say. Until recently I just felt like I was coming here day after day repeating myself. I didn't want to start annoying people. In that sense I would have been holding things to my chest.

I still have my up days and down days but not always for any reasons that I can fathom. I've not had the best day today to be honest but there's no real reason for it. When I went to pick up Wee Man from my W's house last night things seemed fairly relaxed between us. She even asked me about my night out on Saturday. Before that wouldn't have meant much to me but after speaking to my DB coach on Monday I see that it may be pursuing a little bit. I still don't see it that way but that's what I was told. Anyhoo, I just told her that I had a really good night and never offered any more details. She never asked. I was only in the door a few seconds before I was throwing Wee Man around, acting like an idiot and having him in fits of giggles. That's what I need my W to see. Apart from that there's been very little progress. I guess that's why they call it baby steps. Now I just need a way to shut out the sceptic in me. I can't stay confident of progress long before the doubts start creeping in.

I'm glad that I'm coming across as happier nowadays PM. I think when I am up, I'm more up than I was a few weeks ago. My down times are still fairly common though. I think the reason for my down times may be changing though. I still want my W back but it's not only about her now. I'm just really feeling the lonliness rattling about in my big house by myself. When you get married you expect to have a friend as well as a W for the rest of your life but separation rips that away. I know that you'll all say that I should be out doing more and seeing people but that isn't always possible. My main bouts of lonliness come when Wee Man is staying and he's gone to bed. It's a long few hours before I go to my bed then. That's also when the mind starts to wander to subjects you'd rather not think about.

On the whole though, I definitely think I'm improving. I'm by no means out of the woods yet but things are starting to look up in some areas. DBing is still the hardest thing I've ever done but it gets easier with each passing day. I've been helping a newbie recently called 'markhaving probs'. His sitch sounds very similar to mine a few months ago. If you've got a minute PM, go check up on him. His thread is simply called 'WAW'.

I'll hopefully hear from you all soon.

Kev