I'm sort of a book junkie. I'm wondering if anyone in this forum has suggestions for additional books on sex-starved-related topics. Of course, I've read SSM and DB.
BOOK TOPIC #1 I started wondering if I simply need to know more about sex. While my wife might be the LD partner, she is definitely the more experienced partner. Maybe it would help if I simply knew more about sex. So I started browsing on Amazon.com for additional books. I ran across--
Ride 'Em Cowgirl! Sex Position Secrets For Better Bucking by Dr. Sadie Allison
Anyone familiar with this book? Contrary to the title, it's for couples. Seems to be popular now.
BOOK TOPIC #2 I am also interested in a book that would address the topic of taking control in the bedroom. Seems I'm being too much of a nice guy. So I browsed and found this book (it's title must win some award for bluntness)--
Just F(-bomb) Me! - What Women Want Men to Know About Taking Control in the Bedroom (A Guide for Couples) by Eve Kingsley
Anyone familiar with this book? It also seems to be popular now.
I'm certainly open to other suggestions. I've already ordered--
Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships by David Schnarch
Plus I've read some John Gottman books. His books were excellent on helping me to realize the problems that I was bringing to the marriage. I've read (or at least started) several other books (including The Secrets of Happily Married Men: Eight Ways to Win Your Wife's Heart Forever by Scott Haltzman, but I didn't really find it much help).
me: 50 w (waw): 45 daughter: 9 m: 16 t: 19 bomb: 9/26/08 status: physical separation for 7 weeks, then work-in-progress R
Gary, I haven't read any of those books except PM. But the only one that sounds like a good one in your sitch is the "Just F Me".
Also, I hope "No More Mr. Nice Guy" is on your list.
And if I were you, I would look for more titles along the lines of "starting from scratch", because you said you feel that maybe you just don't know enough about sex. The "positions" book, if it really is mostly about positions, isn't going to help you learn how to be passionate. IMO, the PM book isn't going to help you learn how to be passionate, either. It is more of a psychology book. Learning to have and exhibit passion should be your first goal. Learn how to really push the passion out through all your pores and let it guide you toward seducing her.
Yeah, I suppose I should read No More Mr. Nice Guy. Not the first time it was recommended to me. Lucky recommended it several weeks ago. Time for me to buy it.
me: 50 w (waw): 45 daughter: 9 m: 16 t: 19 bomb: 9/26/08 status: physical separation for 7 weeks, then work-in-progress R
Definitely NMMNG, Hold on to Your NUTS, and Way of the Superior Man (in that order).
These are what I consider the "big three" for guys here after DB and SSM.
I dunno much about other topics, I'm still getting there.
Spellfire aka Mike
"Women do not like controlling men. They respect and are attracted to men who control themselves. They ultimately are repelled by men who allow themselves to be controlled." -S&A
Hi, There are 3 books titled NMMNG. Would be good to know which author people are recommending.
The New Male Sexuality is good for finding your way thru the mythic media fiction and is factual about sex & intimacy in general. I've read books both for her to do him and him to do her. The best of the him doing her was She Comes First.
Hold Onto Your Nuts covers how to decide what you want - to set your conditions for sex. I especially liked the parts about not istening to your "little boy" and "become the man you want to be" - the idea being to be confident and be aware of how negative self talk can hinder your getting what you want.
The Mars Venus book was good at explaining the differences in how men & women communicate, but Mars & Venus in the Bedroom had some really goofy stuff in it I thought, like being able to tell what a woman wants in bed on a particular night by the color of her lengerie. Yeah, right. That's where he lost me. I don't even have that many different colors of filmy nighties
Happy reading! Jayce
me: 66 H:60 2 adult sons 2 grandsons adult daughter deceased 5/05 me:Part time trainer H: plant suprv.
My favorite relationship / sexuality books (so far):
In addition to Michele's The Sex-Starved Marriage and The Sex-Starved Wife, I recommend the below.
Understanding the differences between the sexes
Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, by John Gray
Despite his several attempts to repackage his basic material, this 'old' (1985) original presentatin is still, to me, John Gray's best book on the topic. I like everything except for his "Love Letters" approach to conflict resolution, which is a bit 'old school' and not very effective. The chapters on how men and women feel loved in a relationship are a must read.
Note: Like Jayce, I do NOT recommend Mars and Venus in the Bedroom. While there is *some* good advice there, it is poorly written and organized, and not general enough to a majority of couples (more John Gray's personal experience than anything else). For a better coverage of intimacy issues between the sexes, see The 5 Sex Needs of Men and Women, below.
Why Men Don't Have a Clue and Women Always Need More Shoes, by Barbara Pease and Allan Pease.
A fun read which covers much of John Gray's classic material in a more light-hearted, day-to-day practical fashion.
The 5 Sex Needs of Men & Women, by Gary Rosberg, Barbara Rosberg, and Ginger Kolbaba.
The book is written specifically for Christian couples, but does the best job of explaining intimacy differences between the sexes and offering potential solutions in the area of Michele's Intimacy Dilemma of any book I've yet come across. If the religious theme / bits don't apply to you, ignore them -- it's worth the read anyway.
Communication and Conflict Resolution
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by John M. Gottman and Nan Silver
An excellent guide to conflict resolution and learning to communicate effectively with each other -- without fighting.
Sexual Arousal and Passion
Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies by Michael J. Bader.
Written for a psychologist audience, this book is nonetheless very good at explaining why people get turned on by what they do, and why it varies so widely from individual to individual. If you have ever wondered why you have the strange (and perhaps alarming) sexual fantasies that you do, or want to understand why your mate gets turned on by what they respond best to, this is a great read.
Passionate Marriage, by David Schnarch
I have, admittedly, not gone through this book in detail yet, but it comes highly recommended by many of the old-timers on this forum. It's on my shelf, waiting to be read!
Sexual Techniques
The Guide to Getting It On, by Psy.D. Paul Joannides and Daerick Gross Sr.
DanceQueen turned us all on to this fat, informative, and yet often funny book several months ago. It's a keeper, and better than the old classic The Joy of Sex, by Alex Comfort and Susan Quilliam.
She Comes First and He Comes Next, by Ian Kerner.
Written by a sex therapist, both of these books are obstensibly about oral techniques, the first book him-on-her, the second book her-on-him. However, in addition to the very good information and techniques for oral pleasure, Ian also goes in-depth into male & female sexuality and covers a lot of material outside of the bedroom, particularly in the second book.
Men -- both in and out of the bedroom
The New Male Sexuality, Revised Edition, by Bernie Zilbergeld.
This is a great read for BOTH men and women, which completely untangles tne common myths and misperceptions that *both* men and women have regarding male sexuality and the male sexual organs. Our marriage counselor / sex therapist had me read it before we even scheduled our first session with him. If you can't convince your spouse to go to a sex therapist, but he has problems with sexual desire, premature ejaculation, erectile dysfunction, or some other sexual problem: get this book. There are chapters that cover each topic and which lay out the exercies and techniques commonly used to treat such issues.
No More Mr. Nice Guy, by Dr. Robert Glover.
Along with Passionate Marriage, this is a very frequently recommended book on this forum, because many of the men who come here are failing, in one way or another, to turn the women in their lives on due to a lack of masculine energy and 'power.' They've stopped being The Man in the relationship, and their wife knows it. There are other recommended books on this topic, such as The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida (which I've not read), but NMMNG is the one to start with.
Me 50, W 45, M for 26 yrs S25, D23, S13, S10 20+ year SSM; recovery began Oct 2007
He Comes Next is the same as Passionista according to reviews. Passionista will make guys who have LD wives yearn.....
A fun & factual book is Sex on the Brain by Dr. Amen. If nothing else, you'll learn why a new love has you in a tizzy and after a long time w/same mate it isn't a tizzy anymore. Then there's the shoe thing.
I think I mentioned Schnarch's Resurrecting Sex. The 22 ways are very thought provoking and get to the center that we're all circling.
Maybe mix up the fun ones with the heavy going ones. Jayce
me: 66 H:60 2 adult sons 2 grandsons adult daughter deceased 5/05 me:Part time trainer H: plant suprv.
