It's Not Like on T.V.

[MrBond]

Personally, I would go against the dating thing until she makes up her mind what she wants to do and files the paperwork.

The person in MLC will do things totally against their moral and ethical character. If it's against your beliefs, then you need to tell her. I think that if you don't do that and compromise what your ethics and morals are, then you may end up resenting her later even after you reconcile.

Someone has to be the moral compass in the relationship and unfortunately that falls to you. Let me put it this way. Who do you want your kids to model their behavior after in terms of M. You or your W?

Keep up with the positive interactions with her, but not at the expense of your own morals. You can't stop her from doing what she wants, and likewise she can't stop you.

I think your MC is very pro-M which is a good thing and not necessarily against DBing. If you two are uncomfortable about the C harping about the age of the children, then ask her to not focus on that but to discuss another area. You want someone pro-M on your side. But of course a little more toned down.

Because of the MLC-ers selfish nature right now, you need to change all of the negatives that they have into positives. And structure your discussions with her so that it seems like it benefits her when in fact it benefits you.

[DrHemlock]

Good point there, Stuck, re the MC. The odd thing is that she came recommended by a divorce attorney, so I suspected she'd be moderately pro-divorce.

It's not MC's "belief" in M that concerns me -- assuming that's correct; she hasn't told us anything about her views -- but the near-aggressiveness with which she promotes it.

It's bad enough "dragging" W to these sessions when she's "done" and has "made up her mind" and has "gone through this grieving" and is "ready to move forward" and is "tired of being in limbo" (one month of "limbo" -- oy!).

But then to have her made more defensive by MC, who's (theoretically) supposed to be facilitating some kind of improvement in our dialog and R (broadly defined) is a nuisance.

Struck me overnight, tho, that MC *did* have a good point on this friendship concept. W and I agree that we need to be better "friends," for lack of a better term, for the benefit of the kids.

MC asked what that meant. Neither one of us quite got that question, but now I do.

I say things here and to my "spiritual adviser" (my tennis buddy) that I would no longer say to W; she says things to her gf that she wouldn't say to me.

THAT is friendship. W and I get along well enough; we laugh; we model appropriate adult behaviors for the children. That isn't friendship, but it's not a bad post-D demonstration, either.

So maybe there isn't a friendship here to be cultivated. On this I must consult with my DB Coach (unpaid endorsement!), because DB Coach has talked about friendship as an important step.

DB'ers are very fine people.

But then you all already knew that, didn't you?