Hi 2gthrButApart, my computer has been "sick" so I have been out of touch for a few days. Just wanted to stop in to see how you are doing. Looks like you are still hanging in there.
I don't know if you like Dr. Phil or not, most people either love him or hate him (lol), but I found one of his books marked down and just picked it up out of curiousity and decided to bring it home. It is called "Love Smart". Now, really it was written with single women in mind, but he also talks to M women. Anyway, the main thing is he talks to our "souls", I guess you'd say. He talks about self-esteem and knowing "who" we are and "what" we want in our mate, etc. Of course, the point is knowing all this "before" you decide on who your mate will be. (lol) It is easy reading and I found it to be inspiring. Wished I had had it many years ago!
I just wanted to say that try not to get your hopes up from one day to the next.....only to have them dashed by your H's mood swings. If you know who you are and what you want in life and then make efforts to get what you want (in the right way, of course) and focus on "you" instead of your H, and everything he says or does.....it will be a lot easier for you. You are wondering, "why a kiss on the cheek now" and why this and that. Honey, it will drive you crazy. You just have to live your life and be happy with who you are. If you like "who" you are, then others will like you also (even your H). If you respect yourself, so will he. If you are fun to be around, then he and everyone else will want to be around you. I think there is an answer there for all us gals whether there is another woman who our H's may be interested in or not. We need to do our best to "outshine" everyone else in the eyes of our H's. So many times after we get M, we just let down and seem to think that we have nothing to worry about. HA! There is always somebody out there "looking". So, whether is is the W who went astray or the H--or if the M is just on the rock for other reasons, we should always work to keep ourselves in tip-top condition mentally, physically, emotionally, socially, and every way. (Wheeeesh, not much to ask for, is it?)
You already know the negative things "not" to do by pursuing and acting needy and clingy. Well, when you start gaining more pride and your self-esteem grows more and more healthy, you won't be doing those negative things that make you appear weak and pathetic that turns men off. That is something we all could work on!
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
