Divorce looming #6

[K4D]

Stuck808,

I'd like to be back in Jacksonville, FL also. I don't have a problem with that move. Just things have to work out is all. I have alot of friends there. Unfortunately we both share alot of the same friends. But none the less, I would love to be near them again.

And no, I am not moving on from her. Even after the D finalizes, I still would like to reconcile at some point. If I move on from her, I am saying that its over. And while it may be temporarily over, I am trying to keep faith that in the long run, maybe we can be back together. Now granted, it would take a HUGE change of heart from her. And I would have to really prove my changes were sincere over time. And God would probably have to bless the reunion himself.

But it does happen. And I am trying to keep things alive incase it does. I'm not interested in moving on to someone else. At least not right now. Now if she chooses to remarry in the future, I will really have to contemplate my situation at that point. That is the nail in the coffin. Not this. This is just a temporary break in the overall life of our relationship hopefully.

I made a vow for life. I intend to honor that at least until that final nail is driven in. I can sit here and say its not easy. But at the same time, I can say, I don't want anyone else. I only want her. She is who I married. What is best for me and my family is that eventually we get back together and things are done right. If I can make that happen at some point, everyone wins.

The kids win, I win, and she wins because I am a much better person at that point. Don't get me wrong. It will be hell getting to that point. And its a big if. There is obviously no guarantee we will get there. But at least I will have done my best for the kids to try and fix things. And I will have honored my part in the marriage and my vow and my part of our covenant.

Its going to be lonely. Thats for sure. And I hope it doesn't last forever. But it might. I'm going to have to live with whatever she decides in life and do my best to be the best I can be for me, my kids, and hopefully her.

So no, I am not moving on in that aspect. But I am trying to get myself to a place where I can be ok without her while I hope she comes back at some point.

Kevin

Kevin