Just missing you guys a little!

[Amy M]

I had a weird experience tonight that was worth posting...just to capture it in my journal.

Today was an okay day. Started out good, got progressively more frustrating as it went on. I had dinner plans with a group of friends tonight to celebrate St Patrick's Day, and I was thinking by 5:00 that I really would like to have a beer. I get to daycare to pick up S7, and the teacher presents a note that says he's hit 2 kids. I ask him what's up with that, and he just says, "They hit me first." So, we get to the car, and I check his folder from school. He's got 2 marks on his paper...which means he had to be called down at least 4 times...she gives them 2. So, now I'm really frustrated. He's gotten many marks at school over the last few months, and his dad had told him the other day that 3 more meant he'd miss the spring football he wanted to play. Today was the 3rd of those 3.

I call H. I rarely do that outside our appointed times. He answers and I say, "Do you have a minute to talk to S7 about his day?" He says yes and I let S7 tell him about the note and the marks at school. S7 is quiet while his dad talks then he hands me the phone.

H tells me what he told S7 about not getting to play football, and asks me what I intend to do about punishment. I ask what he suggests. He tells me, and I don't respond right away. So, he gets angry...he says, "Well, if you don't agree, don't take my advice." I said, "Actually, H, I do agree. I'm just so frustrated that I have to sacrifice my plans for the evening because S7 got in trouble at school." He says, "Well, that's what it means to be a parent." And, I'm thinking...yeah, like you know about that. But, I held my tongue.

So, I cancel our plans with the group (cause some of S7's friends will be there so it was as much fun for him as for me). And we get all S7's homework done. And, he can't watch TV so he reads extra for school. And, we talk about his day, and he can't explain the behavior, but he assures me he'll do better tomorrow. And H calls at 7:50 to talk to boys. I make S3 talk because he's not been interested in talking to H lately. Then, S7 talks and hands me the phone. H asks me some financial stuff about our settlement...as I suspected, refinancing the boat to remove my name may prove difficult for him. We discuss, and then, I say, "H, I sent you the last draft of the settlement. Ball's in your court. If you need extra time to refinance the boat, mark up the agreement and extend the time. Just promise you won't kill anyone while my name is on the registration." He says, "Well, I can't afford fuel for the boat, so, it's unlikely it will move at all. How much time do you think is fair?" And, I say, "Look, H, talk to the bank. Find out what you need to do to make it work. Let me know. I'll work with you. I'm not trying to make things difficult for you. I mean, I've never tried to make things difficult for you..." And, at this point I'm crying. Since I realize I'm not going to contain it, I say, "H, I'm having a tough day so I'm gonna let you go." And the most amazing thing happened then...My H's voice, I mean MY H's voice...the one without the attitude and the chip on his shoulder, said, "Oh, Amy (long pause) okay, I'll just let you go." So, I hung up.

But, he's in there. I heard him. And, somehow that's sad and wonderful at the same time. I've been so worried about my boys living part time with H and the OW. Knowing that my H is still inside that body somewhere means that there's hope that he'll look out for them when I can't.

I hope everyone had a great St. Patrick's Day, and I hope someone drank a beer for me tonight!!!

Love you all.

Amy