WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 5

[confusedinpa]

Also, DO NOT move out of the home. Have her do it. It's a psychological thing. She wants out of everything the two of you had built together. So let her feel on her own even if it is temporary.

If she's already moping around and saying that she doesn't want you around, then all you're doing is accommodating her. Don't do her any favors by making her comfortable.

If you can swing it, have the kids stay in the house with you if you're worried about stability. You can do it. I learned how to raise my kids alone and I became a much stronger father. Strong enough that when I told my W that she was free to leave, I also told her that we (me and the kids) didn't need her anymore and that I had learned to be a single parent. That kind of through her for a loop. You'll have to sacrifice alot, but in the end it would get you much closer to your kids than you ever thought possible. And right now they need the 'right' parent to stay with them. The one that you want them to model themselves after in the future. The one that fights for their M and not the one that can't 'get over' her anger.

I would love to just have the kids stay with me and let her leave. I brought that up a couple of weeks ago and she had gotten extremely mad/angry and said that was so selfish of me. So that's probably the only reason why she's still here - because she is waiting for a custody agreement where she can take the kids at least 1/2 the time. My lawyer told me that if I go to court, that would be minimum that she would get - it would be extremely hard for me to get 100%.

I don't want the kids to have to move back and forth and get destabilized through this crazy situation. So even though I know it's not the ideal "DB" move, me moving would be the third best thing for the kids (the best woudld be we would stay together, second would be if I kept them and she moved out).

That's an interesting point of tipping points and her getting strenght/comfort from me to move through each stage. I'm really going to have to think and keep my eyes open to that one.