WAW - Very confused and devestated - pt 5

[confusedinpa]

Just be sincere with what you want and that if she gets that "trapped" feeling again, tell her again how much you love her enough so that if she wants to leave now, the door is open for her to do so. You don't need to be together to DB or to work out a settlement. That way she can stop blaming you for "holding things up".

I gave my W that speech just this weekend and guess what? She's still here.

Well, part of the speech I had given her over the weekend is that if she leaves, I can't afford to stay in the house, and she can said that she can't afford to stay in the house, nor would she want to. I could actually afford to do it if I didn't pay her child support, but she didn't go for that as I said I would just keep the kids and she could visit.

So she had asked me to contact a real estate agent adn I told her that she can if she wants to. So tonite, she told me she did.

I reacted cooly with an "Oh. ok" Then she said what she thought we could get for the house based on the other houses selling nearby. I looked at her calmly and said "That's what I had thought".

Mentally I'm ok with selling the house as if we do get a divorce, it would be sold as part of the division anyway (she would get all the equity in the house as part of her 50%). If she gave the marriage another chance, we would want to sell it to get a fresh start (she said all the emotional abandoment started right after we moved into the house).

The she asked if I gave any more thought to custody. I said I haven't come up with anything new and asked what she thought. She told me which one of the two ideas she had presented already that she prefered. I just said "hmmmm, that's something to think about"

Then I made a comment about the show we were watching and the divorce/relationship conversation ended there.

So it looks like this divorce train is heading full speed ahead.

Ironic part of it was that early tonite, after she got home, she showed me a pair of heels that she was going to return as they were too tall. I asked her to wear them to show me. They looked really good on her and I gave her a hug and she kissed me on the lips. I thought it was going to be a promising nite. Big twist.

I didn't let it break down my wall though. I'm disappointed as I thought we would make up for missing last Thursday but I guess not.

I'm still planning on not fighting the separation, I'm just not going to help her. I will negotiate with the real estate agent to get his fees down though, as that will not help the separation, but will help our financials. I'm going to wait till next week to present what I prefer as the custody agreement, assuming I hear from my lawyer then.

I'm not as optimistic as everyone else is relative to relationship. This is where we are going to really see if her actions are going start matching a WAW.

Either way, I don't feel emotionally differenet that I did yesterday. I am still optimistic of the changes I made in me for me. I am disappointed about the likely end of my marriage and what it will do to our family. I'm sad for that, but I know that I will survive and thrive for me and my 2 boys.

That was a tough blow to my wall.....