Wow I think you know my H. I took a long deep breath when I read your post. Thank you for your comments. Of course we all have sides, my H's side on the surface is justifiable on some accounts, however, anyone who knows us, the sitch, and my kids, do not say he is a bad person but he has issues. When I think back to the beginning of the R up to now I realize that somewhere along the way he changed big time. He stopped doing things around the house, with the kids, with me, of course his drinking increased quite a bit too. At work I used to pass him or watch him and think, "Wow that's my H, I love that man" and now I see him and wonder "who is that man". When he talks to me I feel the same way. But I didn't quite put it together the way you did he just isn't that person right now. Your last paragraph sums him up the way I know him. He's a fighter - slow but he gets there. And again, I didn't see it the way you put it - but I agree that he wants change. I can only hope that he knows it isn't me, but himself he doesn't like right now. Bit thing you said that I was thinking about -(and I saw it somewhere else on this board) is the part about my not giving him any more directions and just letting him figure out what to do. I was thinking back about what did I notice work for him - for us - and I kept coming up with this: when I backed off and let him do his thing - he wouldn't blame me, he would take responsibility for his actions and then try to figure out what to do. It was amazing to me to see that I didn't have to do anything and I wasn't the target for his anger and he was doing what I wanted. (You don't know how hard it is for me to let go when I see someone hurting themselves) I knew my kids were growing up when they hesitated to tell me their problems because they did want me blaming myself and trying to fix it for them - they thought it was time to do things for themselves and take me off the hook. (Did I raise smart kids? actually I think they are loving kids) Well, AJ thank so much again. It helps to know that there are caring men in the world.
