It's Not Like on T.V.

[PositivelyMommy]

Pollyanna has hit the nail on the head! It's your emotional attachment your W feels and that is making her run faster away from you.

What you want is for your W to work at pursuing you. If you live your life like an open book now, it will come off as needy. So what DB is advising is to be mysterious and let her curiosity get the better of her and get her interested in you. Do you make small talk? Does she ask about you?

My H doesn't ask about me at all so I don't tell. It's none of his business anymore. If he becomes interested then he will speak up. This way I can gauge where his interest level is. Once in a while I will bring up a small snipet of my life and see if he bites. If not, I leave it. Not the right time. Do you fish? That's the best analogy. Have the fish come to you. Don't go chasing after the fish, it would never work.
If your dynamic is OK before separation and you both are getting along and everything, it will probably remain the same after separation. But be prepared that your W will probably feel very happy about being liberated right after she moves out. She will feel a sense of freedom, a sense of new life starting.

Don't take it personally!! (We all feel great when we get something new or do something new.)

Soon the newness feeling will die down as we acclimate into our new routine. It's at this time that she might seek ways to keep the 'high' going and that might include seeking new companionship if she feels lonely. She might also reconsider moving back in if she doesn't like the loneliness and misses the kids and her comfortable life.

Whichever decision she makes we are here to help you behave in such a way that will not alienate her while she is continuously evaluating her options. We want to help you become attractive to your spouse. That is why we have given you our advice. We don't know which decisions she will make but want to give you the best chance of a reconciliation.

Dropping the rope is counter-intuitive but it works because of the reasons I gave above.