Vicky, as for DB, when I got separated, I wished and prayed and asked my ex-h to please do something to try to keep me around. So in my case, ANY program designed to bring the partner back would have worked on me. It is definitely NOT a waste of time and is successful many times. It would have been on me. But my ex-h never tried...not necessarily his fault because we were both so ignorant of anything to do with successful marriages. Just sayin', my head and thinking could have been turned around if he had tried anything.
As for your sitch...my honest opinion is that your H is lost and drifting, and there is really nothing *you* can do that you haven't already done. You made the good fight and did all the DB-ing you could. He hasn't done the other part, so at this point, it seems like nothing but heartache for you to continue to try to get him back. In a case like yours, I think part of this for him is the drama. He likes it or is addicted to it or for some reason cannot escape it. I have known many drama addicts, and this is a real thing, I'm not just blowin' smoke. Basically, in my opinion, loving someone is NEVER a waste of time. But trying to get them to come back to you if they are just plain totally lost, is eventually a waste of time. I hope that helps, but I don't think it will. I don't want to just outright say "give up on him", but instead, I want to say, "stop hoping he will change and realize he is in the depths of an addiction."
