Separating Soon

[kb1234]

Hello to a new forum.
I was over in newcomers for a while, but new situation, new thread.
Old thread is here:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1604532

Wife is preparing to move out to an apartment.
Custody of children will be shared as we go through this.

When wife first spoke of this in September 2008, I was totally opposed. First she wanted me to be the one to move out.
Now she wants to move out.
I am actually strangely ok with it. As long as I get to see my children.

I do not hold any false hope, we are probably on the road to divorce.

We worked out a visitation/custody schedule through the end of February 2009. I said I could not go beyond that, although I know that once she moves out, the visitation/custody will have to continue.

So any advice for this situation?

[cat03]

my advice is to DO hold to to hope, dont' loose it! it's way too early. Even if ultimately my M didn't survive my x did come back after being separated for 8mths (he has mental issues, I'm chalking our D to that, mostly)
It's not over yet, sometimes you have to let something go to see if it was worth holding on to. Good on you that you didnt leave, she wants out then she should go.
Tell her you understand she wants time and space and that you are willing to give her that much.

Would she go to MC? did you suggested that? if she won't go, then you go see a C on your own to help you cope, being S is a life-sucking limbo that sickens a soul, so do try to talk to a C and GAL GAL and GAL.

Keep in constant contact with kids and keep all convos away from their little eats, they dont' need to know any details, other than mom and dad need some space to think,
Will pray for your family tonight, dont' give up as bleak as it might look, she might just need to see that the grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence...

[kb1234]

Update on separation.
She did move out on Friday, January 16, 2009.
It was a strange day, and very sad at times, but I got through it, and here I am.
She had the kids Friday night, and I got to see them Saturday during the day. She got them again on Saturday night, because I had an event to attend.
I got the kids Sunday at noon, and they spent the night with me.
I get the kids again tonight so I am looking forward to that.

Not sure how much time to give the separation.
The "in limbo" out it really sucks.

I have continued to see my individual counselor, and that helps.

Working on enjoying myself and continuing Getting A Life.

[kb1234]

Update.
Not sure where this separation is leading.
Sometimes it feels better than others.

I miss my kids when they are not around.
They miss their mom for a short time when they are first with me.
Wife seems about the same, not much change.

[MrBond]

As hard as it is, focus on yourself and stay as positive as possible. When my W was away with the K, I didn't realize how empty the house seemed.

The first week I was a wreck...depressed, drank, etc. But then I turned my energies to working out, reading, going out with friends, and having fun with my Ds. It helped to keep me positive through all of this.

[cat03]

it's been barely a week, do not hold your breath, this situation could drag on for months, not enough time has passed for her to think things. Yes, limbo is draining and SUCHS, so keep busy and keep seeing your C, what a good thing you have one!
Sometimes S are helpful, give both partners a chance to see things from afar, be very very patient, keep GAL.

[song]

Hi KB,
Just read your whole sitch, and sorry you are going through it, but I am in a very similar sitch. W moved out in October, kids shuttled back & forth until beginning of January where I decided that it was to disruptive to the kids to be going back & forth, so W & I started going back & forth. It's a roller coaster, don't know where or how it will end up, but I agree with others who say don't give up hope. Feelings change, they can change again. MLC, Hormones, Peri-menopause, or just plain old confusion - who knows what the reason is, but as long as one partner keeps hope alive, the marriage is not over.

[kb1234]

Thanks to all that replied.
The "newness" of the separation is something that I must consider when thinking about this.
This marks only the start of the third week, so very early in the process.
As with most of these things some days are better than others.

I think W expected this separation to solve all of her problems, but really, it has not changed that much.
I saw her and the kids at a Super Bowl party, and I think she did not expect me to be there.

It is hardest when my 8 year old daughter says "Dad, I wish we could all live in the same place." I tell her that I do too.

I am really trying not to say anything negative about their mother to the kids.

[kb1234]

Update.
It has now been a while.
Things have not really improved with W, since separation.
Everything she has done, has made her living situation more permanent.
I am very seriously contemplating Divorce.
Divorce is not something I want, but I do not want to remain in this "limbo" relationship.

Feeling sad at the finality of ending my marriage.

[kb1234]

Update.
Still not much improvement, but that is expected.
Still contemplating divorce very seriously.

It was 2 months of separation yesterday, 16-March-2009.

I am not wanting to give up hope, but it seems less and less likely that a positive change is coming.