The Flames are Still Rising....

[blindsided1]

6lbs 15oz. 19.5" long - same as K. Born around 11am - same as K. WTF is the Universe really trying to tell me here? The whole sitch seems like a parallel world. It's like he is playing a role in a play...the same play, over and over again. I believe that he is. But, then what does that make of our M...fake, phoney...just another act in his play. It doesn't make me feel very good about our life. To feel as though it was all lies. That he never really loved me or wanted anything more than see what all the hoopla about M was all about. And, how is it that her friends and family are so supportive of a man that had an affair, left his pregnant wife, doesn't work and got his girlfriend pregnant at the same time his wife was having a baby? White Trash. Two words that describe them well, unfortunately.

[Joeboy]

Lock and load .

[Babygirl]

hey honey. wish i had words for you. i dont. all i can tell you is that yes there is a child, and that child is innocent. that is the only thing that got me thru. the child has nothing to do with how it was created by lying cheaters. I wish i was there to hold your hand, look at K right now, this little boy is as innocent as she is. its not his fault. THATS how I got/get by. i wont punish a child for the parents sin.

know i love you. hit me on the alt with your number, we can talk.

[His Wife]

I know you are having an extremely rotten day. Anyone would be in your circumstances. Stop beating yourself up so much.

So, he has had another child with a woman who he most likely wont stay with based on what you have said in your posts a few day back. You, personally have no connection to this child other than Kendall. Stop feeling like you have to find feelings for him. You dont, We all feel sorry for the little guy, given the parents he has but he is not in any way your problem.

The truth of the matter is they will act like the happy little family for awhile. Then it will wear off like it always does with him and he will be on to his next conquest. To be blunt, the chances of Kendall having this child in her life are probably going to be minimal. I just dont see him staying and being the family man for any real length of time. He will move on. That is not being said to try and make you feel better today, This is what I think you need to SEE so that you can finally let this man go. Nothing he has done has been because of you, in spite of you or to you maliciously. He has done all of this to make himself happy. He is not capable of anything else. He does not have the ability to think of anyones elses needs in front of his own. Just look at what he said when he called you. YOU have to find other arrangements for HIS time with his daughter because HE will be busy having another child. He should have called and said something like I need to see if WE can make other arrangements for OUR daughter today.

He is mean to you. He disrespects you. He blames you for his own shortcomings. It is time to really let go. There is nothing in this man at this time in his life that is worth your pain.

I know you know this and it is hard today. But you will be okay. You dont have to face any of it as it is not yours to face. You are just responsible for Kendall. That is all.

Be prepared to come to terms with his lack of interest in her at this time. He wont be bothered. Dont let that affect you. Be grateful for the extra time you get to spend with her. This is your time to finally let go and move on. You dont need him. I know you miss what you had and the man you married. I dont think you really believe that he was real. It was all an act and he enjoyed the attention and the hoopla of the wedding and baby making. Once real life set it, he was outtta there. All of the things you said in your post above about it all being a lie? In a way it was. He isnt capable of more.

Try and put this all in perspective. You my friend have been given a gift. It is time for you to open it and altthough it isnt quite what you wanted, see the possibilities that it brings....

Dont take his calls rignt now if you dont want to. Dont count of him seeing Kendall. Just live...... When you do take the calls, keep it short and to the point about Kendall only. You dont need to listen to his baby details......Tell him congrats H but none of this concerns me and did you want to talk about Kendall..... He will making lots of excuses about time and money right now....just roll with it and look to the future....

[Startingover2]

Checking on you today.

Everyone is right. Let go of your H and focus on K. She is going to need you as I would be surprised if your H stepped up to the plate and mangaged both kids.

Are you still getting any CS from your H? If not, I would get the paperwork going again for that. All business!!!

[blindsided1]

I will try and post later tonight. Thanks BG, SO2 and always His Wife. You are right. HE is not the man for me. I should actually be thanking my lucky stars that she took him off my hands. I feel sad, though. Sad to know that I wasted so much time in a fake relationship with fake love. But, I got K from it. That makes it all worth it.

As for the CS...he hasn't had a job in 3 months and isn't collecting Unemployment (I know because I snooped). OW is paying for EVERYTHING and now she is on disability. I guess she had almost 24 hours of labor and they finally did a C-Section. At least she has my H there to help her. I didn't. I had to do it all by myself....WITH an opened C-Section for 2 months (remember that). But, I did it. This is her third kid. You'de think it would have been cake.

Oh, well. Supposed to go to in-laws for dinner tonight. Asked them to only discuss K and Us. Not H or OW or new baby. I just said that I was trying to deal with things the best that I can right now and would prefer to have the focus on K tonight. They were fine with that. I know they understand.

[Sugar and Spice]

Blindsided, you deal with this anyway that you can that works and is healthy for you and Kendall. Your H is a little boy, playing at being a man. I have read your sitch sporadically and I too know the agony of knowing that my H was at the hospital with his Troll while she gave birth to their daughter. It is gut-wrenching and you just have to go through it. I promise you, it does get better.

Please heed the advice of the posters above and let go for yourself and your wonderful babygirl. For right now, just focus on yourself and Kendall and how you are the best Mom you can be to her. Let yourself heal a little first before you start worrying about how you will feel about this baby...you are wonderful and kind hearted person who knows that its not this babys fault, anymore than the situation your in is your fault. You deal with it the best way you can. I realize that the only innocents in my sitch are the kids and to some extent me (I didn't know until it was too late.) I don't blame this poor child, I feel sorry for her...both of her parents are f*cktards. I have told my kids over and over that as easy as it would be to hate her, they can't because she is just the result of their bad choices, she didn't ask for this anymore than they did. My kids have also still not met her and only will when they are ready to. My H is at least on the same page with me about those types of issues.
Just be gentle with yourself, this is such a hard time and you have been through a lot. You are a strong woman and should be proud of yourself for the dignity and grace that you have conducted yourself with throughout.
I'm no lawyer, but I see that your D is almost final and so there has to be some sort of support order in place (right?) this is good because it will establish Kendall in the order of things. If he and OW were to make it legal, then her income would be used to pay your CS.
I wish I had something more profound to say, but just know you will get through this and the pain will lessen (not go away) it just takes time.
I'm sorry for your pain, I do understand and feel for you. I'll be checking on you. ((((((hugs)))))) Sorry you have to be a member of this particulare little club.

[blindsided1]

Sugar - thank you. I have not had the opportunity to read your sitch. But, I do think I may have grazed through it. It's nice to hear from someone who has been down this road. Not that I wish anyone to have to go down it. This has been the worst experience of my life, to date. But, also the best because I have our daughter. She's 9 months old today. H son was born yesterday. Wonder how H is going to explain that to our daughter once she figures something doesn't fit right. But, that's a long way off.

I try to remind myself that he is fake. His life is a fraud as is his love and feelings. I do believe that he feels things, just not with any substance or sustainability. He IS most definitely a litte boy playing at being a man and failing miserable, I believe.

I went to have dinner with his parents tonight. They were perfect. Spent the whole time playing with K and loving us, just the same as always. They didn't mention H or OW or the new baby. I appreciated that. I know they love us. I hope that they will always be there for both of us and care for both of us.

I hate being the life he threw away. But, I'm trying to deal with it. I need to get a grasp before K is old enough to be affected by it. Only then, can I help her get through it.

[Startingover2]

Hellooo....I am going to have to call and catch up soon. I miss talking like we have.

Glad you had a nice dinner with the inlaws. I am sure they are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Your H probably holds his love over their heads as he knows how to manipulate people.

You don't have to love that baby. You don't have a relationship with him and neither does K yet. She has no clue he is even here and won't for awhile. Feel sorry for that baby. He was brought into this world based on lies and secrets. More than likely he will lose his father too and you have so much more going for you as a mom than OW does.

Love you....you need to make a road trip or maybe I can come down there!

[blindsided1]

Hey everyone. It's been a mess of a couple days, meaning: I've been a hot mess. I haven't spoken to my H since he dropped K off on Sunday, other than the stupid text he sent about "Dane" on his way out. I've been okay. I don't want to have anything to do with my H right now. I feel a lot of anger and hatred. It makes me sad to feel this way. Especially, since I have worked so hard over the last year to just be okay with him. So, H sends me a text last night "I'll take K on Sunday 11am". I didn't respond. I just figured I would respond today. About 1/2 hour later, my BIL calls (he NEVER calls). He says that he was thinking about me and wanted to see how I was doing. I think MIL put him up to it. But, that's okay. We talked a little. I asked him how the baby was. He said "Can I tell you something? I have doubts that this baby is his." I asked why. He said that the baby has a full head of black hair, doesn't look like anyone on their side and when he held him, he didn't feel anything towards him". That would be a kick in the pants, wouldn't it? But, I'm sure it IS his. BIL also told me that he is moving in with H and OW. He can't afford his apartment, so he is going to rent a room from them. How nice. So, needless to say, yesterday wasn't too great. H didn't take K today, he went golfing with his Dad and Brother instead. What a guy! MIL felt the need to tell me that he was up 3 times with the baby last night. I had to do it alone. I hate this. I really hate this. I'm sorry. It is really very painful to watch him acting like a family with her and her kids and their new baby...knowing how he threw our family away, our M and he treated me so horribly during the last year and a half. But, according to him, his life has been nearly perfect for the last year and a half. I hate him.