Stillhope...I know you were addressing Cinco, but I'm going to weigh in here for a moment...I don't know if you read my post above, where I said I didn't enjoy it with my ex-h, but I did it anyway...
I know my ex-h felt loved by me, and he appreciated the effort, but what he really wanted was my enthusiasm. Because I was never enthusiastic about bj's (or sex in general with him) he always felt it was basically pity sex. And sadly enough, he was sort of correct. Although I did not pity him, I did feel bad for him that he wasn't getting as much as he would like from me in the sex department, and so I would occasionally "give it to him" without him asking. But this was not what he really wanted. He wanted me to WANT him and to CHOOSE him. He wanted me to come home from work and declare "baby, I just can't wait to rip your clothes off" and jump his bones, ALL ON MY OWN DESIRE TO DO SO. He wanted to see and feel that I wanted him, not that I was just giving him sex as a favor, with nothing in it for myself.
I knew and understood what he was asking from me, and I just didn't have it within me to give to him. (I am not speaking for Mrs. Cinco here, I think she has more in her to give Cinco than I did to give my ex-h...but still)...I knew I couldn't really give him what he wanted from me so I tried to give him what I could.
Instead I should have gone to counseling and found out exactly why I couldn't feel my lust and passion for my ex-h. And if I could have, through counseling, discussion, and exploration, found that passion and lust for him, I would have jumped at the chance to behave that way. The problem was I was too emotionally immature to really face the idea that I was running away, scared of intimacy.
Stillhope...I feel bad for your sitch, but I don't think it would be any better or different if you were to get more sex, but only because your W was giving it as a duty. (Again, not speaking for Mrs. Cinco).
