What's next???? The adventure continues!!!

[AFWAW]

All right, halfway through the day and I'm having a little easier time with the emotions. Probably in the anger phase but not as angry as you would think. Still confused about the visit last night. Wish I could read her mind. I hate to say it but it would probably give me pleasure if I knew she was thinking about what she's doing and trying to rationalize it her mind. I hope she thinks about nothing else for years. It finally has hit me how mean and evil this person is with the way she went about this and how she expects me to accept it and get over it so quickly. I have certainly learned a lot about myself over this past month and am constantly thinking back to times we've spent together and wondering what was wrong with that time. I think it's about time to establish and vocalize some boundries with the wife. Any suggestions as to what they could be?

[Coach]

First boundary you set is for yourself. Repeat after me, I will not waste my energy or time worrying about what my W is thinking or feeling. If I really want to know I will ask. I do not control nor am I responsible for her feelings ot thoughts. I am responsible for my own actions and thoughts.
Say it until you believe it.
Cheers

[AFWAW]

Coach,
Well put. That would be a great first step and would make me a lot more productive at this point. I will repeat that one quite a bit and hopefully with time it will be true. Thanks very much!

[AFWAW]

Crap, she's on her way over again. Hopefully she'll actually get her stuff tonight instead of sleeping on the couch? My daughter is really antagonized from her conversation with the wife on the phone. Apparently the wife wants to help her with something and my daughter stated she doesn't want her help with anything at this point. Oh well.

[AFWAW]

OMG!!!!!She said something smart ass to me on the way out the door and I called her a coward! Next thing you know we were having a heart to heart and she said she still loves me and doesn't want a divorce! She said she just needs some time. Holy cow! She said she knows she's being selfish and she regrets leaving me the day after I got back and regrets so manny things and she still loves me! OMG!!! Now I'm trying not to get overly anxious cause I don't wanna crowd her and make her run.

I need some help here folks. I don't want to lose the love of my life, please help me!!!! I'm trying not to get too excitied but it is soooo hard right now. God, I miss her!

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

BREATH AF!!!!


Sheesh, you are gonna hyperventilate! DO NOT CALL HER! Let her initiate any contact that the two of you have right now.

You can be excited for yourself, but do not show it to her. think about a new puppy--they get to excited, they pee on the floor, and then they get their nose rubbed in it. Do not have an accident and get your nose rubbed into your screw-up. Keep calm and stay the course.

BTW--congrats on the breakthrough!!!

Living God's blessings with grace and dignity~
SMW

[Thinker]

Breath in, Breath out.

Breath in, Breath out...

First, Congratulations - something is working. Probably when you backed off and then stood up to her.

Expect her to run next. That's the roller coaster.

Plan to give her space for a while.

C

[AFWAW]

Ok, ok, I've calmed down some but I can't sleep. I can't think straight. All that has happened in the last month is coming at me in a rush. I should be angry but I'm not. I still want her to come home. I'm not calling her, I'm not pushing, there is still the possibility that this won't work, I know. I'm trying to stay positive, I really am, either way. So, we are going out as a family to an American idol thing tomorrow night. I need to put my best foot forward as a man. I started reading no more mr nice guy today and wow, I exhibit a lot of the traits in it. I'm so disappointed in the way I've been and acted over the years. Things I've considered important that were just not that big a deal. Ok, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute. I can do this either way. I'm still gonna keep posting, she still loves me and I need to keep working on me. Overall a good night with a humungous step in the right direction!

[Mellenmack]

Okay.
I just want to remind you that you have a D13 riding this roller coaster with you. Please please please please please PLEASE make sure that it is one way or the other before talking to your daughter about the new development. One night out does not a marriage make. I am not trying to bring you down, I'm just saying. It goes back and forth for awhile. It gets better, it gets worse. It is life. I think your daughter takes her cues from you. When you are happy, life is good. But she also sees that if you are happy then things must be good with the wife, and then she starts thinking ya'll will get back together. Two days later, you are down, and she knows a divorce is around the corner. Your daughter has her own hormones, she certainly doesn't need the ride ya'll are taking her on!

Just try to be indifferent for her sake. Keep everything very low-key, very nonchalant, very...doesn't matter what she does cause you are going to be fine.

Congrats.

Melissa

[AFWAW]

Mel,
You are right! She did see and she was pissed! I said what's wrong and she said I don't want her to come back? Oh no! I asked her why? She said because I never have any fun when you two are together? OMG!!! I told her that was something we would have to work on if it happened. I promised her either way that I would take care of her. You are so right, I need to be indifferent. I haven't been doing a good job with my daughter. I have been way too emotional about the whole thing but I am emotional. I was so looking forward to you posting tonight as you know exactly what to say. This isn't just about the wife and I, my daughter is in it as well. Thanks Mel.