My daughter is quick to tell me everything the wife says to her and point out that she is mad at her mom. It's tragic that kids are affected the way they are by seperations/divorce. I will probably never understand what drives a person to make these type of decisions conciously that they either know or don't think will affect their children. Amazing.
M-41 ex-W-40 Together--17 years SS-20 D-14 Bomb--2 Feb 09 WAW--6 Feb 09 Officially divorced on 2 Jun 2010!!! ex-W has a boyfriend 8 Jun 2010!!! Off we go into the wild blue yonder!!!!
My kids are part of the reason I will file on Friday - they need my undivided attention, not me being distracted by W's ups and downs.
I am trying to give W opportunities - I have been communicating with her somewhat. I am taking the kids downtown today and walking around - it is GORGEOUS weather, and I'm going to invite her because she will be done with finals week.
She can join us - however, she knows what needs to happen by Friday for me to halt the filing, and I won't blink an eye.
SMW...you may hate to hear a parent say that, but it is the truth. I dind't say that things don't affect the children, of course they do. What I was saying was that children have a great ability to get on with life whilst all around them falls to pieces. Their views are sometimes simplistic and that is a good thing.
I can understand your anger at seeing those type of comments. What I DIDN'T say though, was that they will 'bounce back'. They won't, they will carry it with them as you said. They do tend to be able to adjust easier though as everything around them is a learning experience. My 2 sons don't like what has happened between their parents, but they are sufficiently well adjusted to see that it wasn't their fault, nor that marriage is a bad thing. We have done nothing to change their views on that.
Sorry for T/J JD, but I didn't want SMW to misunderstand my point. (I hope you see what I meant a little clearer now SMW!)
Silva, I think it probably helps that your kids are older - and can understand what W is doing.
My kids are still in their formative years - and again, I wish the biggest thing they had to worry about was their homework!
I feel what SMW is saying - and it's true. However, again, you can stress and worry and fret about it - or you can be the best frigging parent that God every put on this earth.
My kids know that I won't date, they know that I love their Mom, they know what my morals say about divorce and affairs, etc.
It's going to be very hard to sit them down Friday and explain that I am filing for divorce. That's the only thing I'm not looking forward to.
Sadly this is my second divorce so I have been through this with my other kids. My first exh and I get along great and always have. We are flexible with schedules and sit together at functions and are good friends....but still my kids have hated this situation. I asked them once and they are grateful that we get along well, but it hasn't been easy. You still worry about hurting one parent or anothers feelings, you miss your other parent, you have 2 homes, 2 rooms, and things going back and forth. Its hard and stressful even under decent circumstances like mine.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I read a book called " Between Two Worlds ' which basically states that there is no such thing as an amicable divorce to children . There's just divorce . Most are doomed spiritually , mentally , socially , in relationships , etc... Collateral damage .
Yeah..weighing in on the "kids bouncing thing"..I can see both sides of it..but I totally survived and never really had hard feelings for either of my parents, and I ended up living with both of them at different times. I definitely bounced back and I am glad the situation turned out how it did for ME because I was fortunate enough to still have agood relationship with both of my parents in the end..
Tho I may be the exception to the rule..each case is different and it totally, in all honesty, sucks for everyone involved! But, look at us, how much stronger we are after this has happened, so I expect nothing less for any of us, including our kids
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Well, again, I'm going to be a rock for my kids, so if nothing else they can hold onto that.
Journaling:
I made a choice (non-DB) to reach out to W a little bit. She finished up her finals early Tuesday, and I always get the kids Tuesday night. I picked them up, and told her that we were going to the park, and downtown to walk around and get something to eat.
I said she was welcome to join us. She said that if I was picking up the kids, she was going to stay at the school and hang out with friends. I didn't respond.
So she texted me around 4:00, and simply said, "I am back in town." No reason really.
I asked her if we could swing by and pick up S6's baseball glove and ball - she responded, "I'll bring it and meet you at the park." Well, you could've knocked me over with a feather!
So, I made D8 finish her homework, so about an hour later, I texted that we were leaving, and she responded with, "Just pick up S6's glove" I had told kids she was going, so I asked her - and she said, "Don't know."
So we got there, and the apartment manager was standing talking to W, and all of a sudden she had nothing to say - but I figured that he knows OM, and has met him, etc, so W probably didn't want him to see her going anywhere with me. Who knows, don't care.
So, we left, and went to the park, and had a good time. We were going to go eat, and the kids had been begging for W to come, so I texted and invited her. She texted back, "No thanks."
Then, while we were eating, she texted all excited that she had passed her final exam.
So after eating, we were leaving to walk down and get a smoothie, and D8 begged and begged me to PLEASE ask Mommy to come and just have at least a smoothie with us.
So I did, and W responded, "I don't have any money." I offered to get her one as a congratulations, and she finally texted back, "No thanks".
So, I reached out, she rejected, I'm done. I could clearly see that she wanted to go.
So, as a last shot, I emailed her and basically said, 'Are we 100% done?"
I realize I'm way off the DBing chart, and it's OK. I'm going to be filing divorce Friday, and I want to make sure she rejects every offer. She has not responded, just texted me that she got a new job. I said, "OK".
Since I have a pretty darned good idea what her response will be - now it's done! Freedom is only two days away!
Today is "game day with OM" - that ongoing weird 'date' thing.
Anyway, I was going to get toilet paper today, and I have to go past W's apartment, and noticed she wasn't there. So, I kept on, and drove past some bikes at our favorite thrift store, and S6 has completely outgrown his. I called W to ask him if he was ok with hand-brakes instead of pedal brakes, and she called me back, and said they were running some errands. Sort of odd - she won't call me if she is with OM.
So, I asked if I could pick him up for a few minutes to have him try out the bikes, and she texted back that they would head over.
I actually expected OM to show up! I was sort of pacing just waiting for him to get out of his car - not sure what I would do, I wouldn't enjoy spending a night in jail for decking him.
Anyway, W showed up with her and kids, alone.
The bikes were outside, but W walked inside, and asked me to bring S6, so I sort of just walked in. Really kind of surprised me, to be honest.
We shopped for awhile - I hung out with S6 and we went to the toy aisle, but W and D8 walked around, and W kept catching up with me and talking to me, etc. Telling me about a new job, and her BFF, and teasing kids.
Then we left, and she asked me to come over to her car, and she wanted to show me her bald tires. They are REALLY bald!
Anyway, that was all sort of surreal - but then she walked to the driver's door, and I opened the rear passenger door to tell the kids bye. She walked back around to the back of the car, and looked at me, and I just walked to my car. So, that was sort of odd.
Oh well, no answer to my email, so I guess Friday is still on! La-dee-dah!
Getting late, but just got finished reading your developments! I have to say ONE word: UNBELIEVABLE!! The stubbornness is UNBELIEVABLE!! Your kids ask her to come and all they get is a "No thanks".... If an impending D doesn't shake her up, what will??
Glad to hear you are in a good mindset under all of this tho!! I'm sure everybody here will be checking in on Friday for sure!
